o tempora, o mores!

AKA: The things you find online…
After perusing an old friend’s blog–we used to be fairly close, and we were friends since early childhood–I found this. I don’t know if she wrote it, but probably not…this isn’t anything close to how she writes. Anyway…I chuckled at this, at least.

1. Most importantly, to do so in person. This is the most effective method of delivery.

2. Word choice/Diction. Aim for a happy medium here. Don’t speak like a lightning-blasted stump, but don’t orate as an Oxford Professor would, either. Clarity and conciseness is important; there’s no need to take three years to convey your point.

3. Vocal clarity. Don’t attempt when drunk or in an otherwise state of compromised sobriety. Desirable results will not be reached unless you aimed for a drunken brawl…which is not the aim of this.

4. Overt use of vulgarities do not make you look more intimidating, make your argument more effective, etc. See aforementioned note about being a bitch, but add, “ignorant.” There’s a time and a place, and when they would be appropriate modifiers, use them [wisely]. Incoherently spewing obscenities does not make one appear to be badass, it makes them appear to be trying too hard.

5. Maintain a relatively collected manner, even if deceptive. Allowing any sort of annoyance, rage, etc. to show through could possibly leave a weak spot. Plus, it pisses people off so much more to get punished by someone who appears to be completely calm.

6. If you must attempt through a text-based source [be it letter, email, instant or text message] ensure proper spelling, punctuation, and other respect to grammatical function. Again, makes you look like less of an idiot…and if you’re trying to rip someone a new one, looking like an idiot simply won’t help your case.

7. Do not use YouTube. YouTube arguments are for douchebags.

8. Conversely, you may utilize PornoTube or YouPorn for random banging of girlfriends, drunken blowjobs, etc. However, these carry a risk [read: getting the shit beaten out of you], so use wisely and with moderate caution.

9. No complex plots, no schemes, no plans. Simple, verbal ass-rape. Plus, plans usually involve people, and this needs to be mono y mono…else, bitchdom is acheived.

10. Don’t try to be too clever. It can backfire miserably. That, and it just makes you look like a bitch. This is what you need to ultimately avoid.