The Mist

Filed under: Movies — Wrote by helixy on Monday, March 24th, 2008 @ 11:41 pm

Stephen King piece, I just watched the movie this morning [not having read the book]. I’m not a big SK fan whatsoever, and I find him to be drastically overrated, but hey. This one I found to be amusing…ish.

If you’re anything like me, the whole movie will be relatively boring [save for the arbitrary gruesome deaths] until the end, which, to me, was paralyzingly hilarious. The ending redeemed anything else in the movie.

This is my Spoiler Warning. Consider yourself warned. It’s just a synopsis…but it will be recapping the entire flick. If you hate Stephen or have no intention of seeing this movie, I implore that you read this.

Alright, so some psycho storm hits, completely pwns the pretty little waterfront property of this artist and his family, and that of their neighbors. David [main guy] and his son roll out to the store with their neighbor to obtain food and some supplies and such. While David engages in small talk with the cashier girl, some elderly man runs up into the store screaming about something being in the mist and that everyone needs to stay in the store and the doors need be closed up. Oh noes!

Later, there’s an issue with the generator that is keeping the chilled foods, well, chill. David randomly goes back to check it out. Something’s fucking with the docking bay door…rattling and shoving it. He freaks out, runs out of there to be met by a small redneck maintenance crew, some headstrong teen employee, and the store owner [who is apparently David's friend.] who want to try to fix the generator. They decide something is clogging some exhaust thing, and the teen volunteers to go out and deal with it. Crew is all for this, but David is like, “Noes, you’ll die! Are you being willfully dense?” Rednecks yell at him and are like, “Just cuz you got a college dee-ploma don’t mean you can call us stoo-ped.” They open the docking door, kid starts to go out but gets snatched by this fucking monstrous tentacle thing that pretty much eats him alive. David and Wally [owner] try to save him, but to no avail. Kid gets taken away and dies. David’s like, “You rednecks fucking suck, you let that kid get killed!” [I took artistic license with the first half of that statement.] He punches Lead Hick Guy.

There’s more arbitrary slaughter at the hands of these gross, huge creatures. We see the advent of big carnivorous spiders that shoot acidic silk and ginormous mantis-like creatures. There’s some religious zealot who freaks out and starts preaching that all of this is God’s will to punish the sinners and this and that.

Turns out that all these monster and the dense fog are the fault of the military. They were fucking around trying to create a multi-dimensional window or some shit so they could see into other dimensions. Instead, though, this created a rift and shit is pouring through it causing mayhem and generally pwning humanity. Go figure!

Among the crowd in the store, there are a few soldiers. These are just infantry guys, having nothing to do with this madness, but the self-proclaimed Vessel of God says that first of all the soldier guy needs to be sacrificed to appease the monsters…and subsequently God. The poor man is stabbed several times in the gut and fed to the monsters outside after begging for mercy and to be let back in. She [zealot whore] says that no more will be harmed, ‘tonight.’

Our protagonist party, consisting of David, his son, Wally, this blonde woman, and an elderly man and woman and some other people decide that they’re getting the fuck up out that madhouse, even if it means their death at the hands of the foreign creatures. Upon trying to obtain food supplies, they are accosted by the religious freak who accuses them of incurred the wrath of God by being ‘nonbelievers’ and by mocking the ‘lifestyles of the pious.’ [Pious? Did you not just gut a man and throw him out to the beasts?!] Those siding with the Vessel of God advance with knives after being told that the protags blood must be spilled in sacrifice, starting with the boy [David's son], but Wally pops out with a sweet little revolver and caps that bitch. Twice! Once in the chest, and then right between the eyes. Glorious. Everyone scatters, and our protagonist party makes their escape. In the process, they lose some people, including poor Wally. :[ David gets his gun, and they drive out. They return to his home, and his wife is cocooned against the side of their house in the spider silk, very evidently dead. He has an emotional moment and drives away before his boy wakes.

They drive for a while and eventually run out of gas on the highway. Stalled, they sit, the boy asleep in the blonde’s lap, the blonde beginning to cry, and the old two in the back lamenting that, “Well, we gave it our best shot.” It dawns on David to just shoot everyone–old man and eventually everyone silently agreeing–so they don’t have to suffer being eaten alive…that, and he promised his boy that he wouldn’t let the monsters get him. Unfortunately, Wally’s gun has only four bullets and there are five of them. He says that he’ll figure something out. Suddenly, his son stirs and looks up with his father…who is pointing the gun at him. His eyes bulge, camera pans to dad, and then to the outside of the car. Four shots are seen and heard. Back to the interior of the car, everyone is lying there, dead…except David, who is screaming. He tries to blow his brains out…but is out of bullets. He leaps from the car and starts screaming, “COME ON,” calling the monsters. Nothing comes…

…oh, but all the sudden, not even TWO MINUTES after he shoots everyone including his child, the dense fog clears and in rolls the fucking military with artillery, flamethrowers and all sorts of shit with a caravan of saved people, including those from the store. LOL… He falls to his knees, screaming and crying.
I was doing much the same, but out of laughter.
What a glorious ending.

…yeah!
The ending is truly glorious…so if you have a twisted sense of humor like I do, pleeease watch?

AFK

Filed under: Disjointed!, Life [In General], Movies — Wrote by helixy on Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 @ 5:28 am

Well, or so I’ve appeared to be. I’ve had a lot of work to get done lately, and I haven’t really had time for blogging. Now that I’m waiting for Jeremy to call me back, though, I have a few free moments with which to type. So this is sorta what I’ve been up to the past little bit.

I managed to up my gym membership another month with part of my tax return. We’re supposed to be getting a new car soon so I can make use of my permit and of my gym membership. I also cut my guitar lessons to bi-weekly since I’m just…eh. Not getting enough out of them. I’m still searching for a job, to my dismay. My search of a car, of course, is continuing as well, as I mentioned.

Also, I look decidedly strange in pseudo-business-y attire. Considering I parade around in my beloved worn jeans, t-shirts or tank-tops, and flipflops [even in the ice and snow we've been having] all the time…it’s definitely a different thing to be shopping for pencil skirts, a button-downs and heels. [Sadly, it's for school. Damn...competitions for SkillsUSA.]
Although I can’t really damn it all too much…tis an excuse for Jer to come see me. I’m thoroughly excited.

I’ve been doing more movie-watching lately–stuff I’ve seen, stuff I haven’t…it’s whatever. It curbs the boredom. I’m not really a person who digs all that many movies simply because today most of them consist of flashy bullshit [something I noted in my post about Casablanca]. So, instead, I’ve been watching some uh…I dunno how to describe them. The stiff-collared–ha, or collared at all!–might call them off-beat, but eh. Almost Famous, Leaving Las Vegas, Mysterious Skin, The Secretary…yeah. The middle two are kinda sketchy, but hey. x3… Older stuff too, Dr. Zhivago, A Clockwork Orange, Dr. Strangelove…even trashy wannabe sci-fi like not-quite-as-old Barbarella–which I, not having seen it prior, found absolutely hilarious. It was that bad. At least Fonda was hot back in ‘67/’68.

I’m greatly enjoying teaching myself both Physics and Chemistry. I’m getting much more fulfillment doing it myself–I actually feel as if I’m accomplishing something–than in a classroom. Money well spent…very well spent.

Washu seems to be perpetually in heat. The yowling is driving me up the wall…

I loathe my age, at times.  In myself, but especially in others.

We didn’t have school today…we had an ice storm last night and the roads were too fucked, so they called it off. Ah, a nice extra break.

But I’m tired and my back aches to the tune of age yet to come–which I have yet to understand…I have decent posture, I don’t randomly fold myself into pretzels, my mattress isn’t bad–and I think I shall lay down to alleviate it.

Breasts versus Talent

Filed under: Movies — Wrote by helixy on Saturday, February 16th, 2008 @ 5:23 am

I prefer old movies to the flashy pieces of garbage produced today. I mean, certainly, you’ll find an entertaining piece here and there…but they still don’t add up. Some films are just timeless.

I, personally, have never seen an older film–black-and-white, let’s say–that exemplified any combination of poor acting, scripting, and storyboarding. Prior to the gaudy special effects, enhancement, and otherwise plays on what is seen, actors and actresses actually had to possess and employ a level of personality talent and looks. Digitizing and photoshopping everything was literally unheard of. Willingness to bare silicone-stuffed breasts before a camera was unheard of…and then, was considered to be in terribly poor taste.

What happened to taste? Class? Talent? No, we’re in an age of trash, and it’s dull.

Blame Casablanca for this, I just finished watching it for the twelve-thousandth time.

“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

Juno

Filed under: Movies — Wrote by helixy on Monday, February 4th, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

Cute movie with a bit of an indie feel. But neither is overwhelming, it’s actually nice.

No, I’m not reviewing it. There are about eight billion reviews out there.

I do like, however, the titular character’s manner of addressing most everything in the movie. She’s feisty. It’s a good spin they put on the topic.

Cute ending, too. Once I get around to not sucking at guitar, I’ll have to teach Jeremy so we can play on some steps like that. Rotfl.
–now I’m trying to think of the smartass comment he’d have for *that* one.

Also…boysenberry condoms? Ehh…

Rick Roll’d

Filed under: Movies, Music — Wrote by helixy on Thursday, January 10th, 2008 @ 10:12 am

Oh man, I was just Rick Roll’d.

For those of you unfamiliar with the expression, it is to [when talking about videos] link someone to the, “Never Gonna Give You Up,” video by Rick Astley when previously promising them a different video/file/site/etc. It can be done for many reasons. It is easily modified for music by just linking them the song.
I’ve even heard of a case where there was some he-said she-said tomfoolery and a victim was given a phone number thinking he was going to setup a hookup…and was Rick Roll’d.

It’s so…mindless. It’s absolutely silly.

And yet…I can’t stop laughing over it.

How sad is it that I actually like the song? xD!

© per aspera ad astra