per aspera ad astra

This isn’t even about my views. I’m sure that it’s been established via forums that I am an immensely open-minded person when it comes to these things, and that I believe everyone is entitled to love who they please, etc.

Rather, this is going to discuss someone near my age who has similar views…although is a bit more passionate/angry about going about it. I understand being passionate about your beliefs, and I think that it is important, very important, to stand up for your beliefs and what you think is right. I do not think, however, it is in good taste to claim to hate everyone or have other hostile feelings towards an entire group because of the actions or words of some that belong to that group.
Perhaps it’s because she’s young.

For some background…This is the young lady who I mentioned before in my previous post, In Comparison. She isn’t a bad person, and generally means well, but often speaks and acts before she thinks. Now, we’re all guilty of this. I’m guilty of this far more often than I’m comfortable with, admittedly.
She was raised as a Catholic, typical indoctrination stuff, and was Confirmed as a Catholic at age thirteen…around which time, and for a year prior [or so], she and I had been having pretty heated arguments regarding the tenets and doctrines of Christianity. This was all brought on by, at the time, her preaching at me over my status as a heathen. I do not attack people for having different beliefs than I do, but if I’m attacked and scorned over it, I do have a tendency to lash out somewhat cruelly. Long story short, my well-read [apparently, although she was at the time a vehement mini-Catholic, she never bothered to read the scripture...whereas I have] and backed side of the debates led her to question what she’d been raised into. She tried to postpone her Confirmation because of her doubts, but her mother forced her into it. So now she’s a self-described Athiest and abhors the Church. Go figure.

She made another post on MySpace this evening, and it reads thusly:

[Are YOU Homophobic?] Then please go jump off a cliff and die a horribly painful death. Want to know the reason for this?

So I was just looking through one of my friend’s Facebooks (no, I will not say who though they will probably figure out it’s them) and I was just looking at all of their bumper stickers. They’re cute and whatnot and entertaining to say the least. Well, inbetween two larger pictures I noticed a very small one. I didn’t pay any attention to it at first and then I decided to just see what it was about.

Well, what did this picture say? “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. Well this just fucking pissed me off.

When I had my camp friends over, Walker and I stayed up really late just watching Youtube videos and looking through my files and whatnot. I had him watch the powerpoint on Gay Rights I made for my end of the year project in World History II in sophomore year. The pictures of Shirley Phelps-Roper had him crushing my hand in frustration and he was beyond words. You see, Walker’s bi-sexual and is somewhat affected by all of this. So the second I saw this, I remembered how angry he had gotten and how that in turn affected me.

Some of our other conversations had to do with Christians and their disdain for gays and the like (you see, we’re both atheists). I’d say about 99% of all homophobics are Christians or have some sort of religious affiliation.

So the moral of this story? I fucking hate all Christians and homophobics.

No, I don’t care if you’re Christian and my friend. Right now, I’m not on good terms with you either. I don’t understand how one can believe in something that has never even looked you in the face or shown his/her precense. It’s unbelievable how gullible people can be! I’m sick and tired of religion existing in the world and fucking up the system! I need all of you to go and commit mass genocide/suicide. It will solve most of the world’s problems, I assure you.

And no, I don’t care if I have offended you in this message. I don’t want to see your anti-gay paraphernalia anywhere in the public, nor do I want to hear it spoken from your mouth. If you think it’s better we not be friends, fine.

But I’ll leave you with this closing statement for you to think upon:
Gays are humans, too. Why can’t they have the same rights we gave African Americans and women?

Well first of all, that last bit is kinda shortsighted and only applies to America. A true activist would demand things the world over. ;] Anyway, we had already been engaged in a conversation over video conversion software, so I decided to change to subject in hopes of persuading her to adopt a less corrosive bit. Sadly, I failed. What do you make of this?

Me: Okay.. I understand that you’re passionate about what you’re doing. But someone is entitled to their beliefs just as much as you are.
Me: And perhaps they aren’t actually homophobic,maybe they just thought it was a funny wording. Furthermore, boo, not all Christians are gay-hating jerks. It isn’t fair to lump everyone in one category.
Kate: 1. I know this chick personally, and I know it’s what she believes… 2. I’m not counting her among the homophobics.
Me: But to say, as you did that you hate all Christians because of something that some of them believe is just as narrow-minded as the ones that are, to us, in err.
Me: For example…last time I checked–and it may be different because she flipflops sometimes–, Kelsey still describes herself as Christian. And she’s OBVIOUSLY not under that group.
Me: Just because the beliefs and preaching of a certain area or aspect of the group is wrong in your or my eyes doesn’t mean that we should scorn the whole group. That doesn’t make us any better, now.
Me: And I’m not being bitchy, and I’m not trying to cause drama. I’m just saying…y’know, be passionate, but not hateful. Hate directed towards groups is inefficient. Hatred is better left to individuals.
Kate: If you knew who I was really aiming this at, you wouldn’t be talking. This isn’t everyone in the world.
Kate: This is mainly targeted to hit my friends. The ones I know who are like this.
Me: Okay, but to say things like, “I fucking hate rah rah rah…” Isn’t that a bit extreme? And that’s just baiting them to try to cause issues.
Kate: I believe I can say whatever I want, though.
Me: I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just saying that perhaps you might rethink your avenues of doing so, and instead of expressing it with angst and rage, you might benefit more from a more creative, constructive approach.
Kate: … I’ve tried that, Jenn. Many time. Hence why now I’m at the end of my limit.
Me: Then being all rawr likely isn’t going to do much but frustrate you more than you are, and hurt friendships that otherwise wouldn’t be affected by the issue. You have to accept some disagreements, it’s part of what you’ve been waiting for so long, you know, growing up?
Me: You know how I feel about the situation. Everyone is entitled, as far as I’m concerned, to love who they want, and for anyone to try to say otherwise is wrong, in my eyes. Everyone should be able to marry who they please, and AoCs should be lowered as far as I’m concerned, the works.
Kate: So far, all of my friendships have been affected by the fact that all of them believe in God and I don’t.
Me: Why is it REALLY that big of a deal? I don’t have problems with my who friends do. I didn’t have a problem with you when you did, aside from your preaching, which we evidently rectified.
Kate: When I show my friend this powerpoint and he’s on the verge of crying because of it, it really hurts to look at shit that’s anti-gay. When he squeezed the shit out of my hand and probably was close to breaking my fingers he was so enraged, it’s a big deal in my eyes. To have a friend who can’t come out to her parents that she’s lesbian for fear of punishment, it’s a big deal.
Me: No, I’m asking why is their faith a big deal. It shouldn’t cause that much of an issue, between friends. And that’s really tragic that she feels as if she can’t do that, and her parents definitely suck for not appearing to be accepting of the situation. But you can’t just make your demands and have them met, Kate. Saying you hate people won’t make his tears dry or her parents be more open-minded and accepting of their child’s sexuality and person.
Me: By handling it the way you want to handle it right now will only have you viewed as a foaming-at-the-mouth fanatic. People are afraid of fanaticism. You need to approach things calmly and with a collected demeanor…no one wants to listen to someone who seems rabid.
Kate: I don’t care. I really don’t.
Me: Then you don’t care enough to do it right and you aren’t going to get anywhere and you’ll be floundering in futility, defeating your self-defined purpose. Sounds to me like a waste of time, hm?
Kate: Jenn, stop with the self-righteous, condescending shit. You know I don’t care and by trying to lead me down the right path to approach this, you’re just making me more pissed. You have awful timing.
Me: I’m not being condescending.
Kate: You are. It sure sounds like it.
Me: You’re notorious for your misperception of tones in online conversation.
Me: But what I’m saying is more like, y’know, an eye for an eye, blah blah, world’s blind, etc.
Me: [Unless there was like a pirate or something. Because then, y'know, uneven number of eyes, and then the world wouldn't really be blind...just depth-perception and peripheral-vision-challenged.]
Kate: Hah. Nice.
Me: But on a serious note, I’m not being condescending, and I’m not trying to act holier-than-thou [ironic, hah]. Just saying that you might reap better results if you did it differently, is all.
Me: Like for example, if a hardcore rabid vegetarian approaches me saying I’m a bad person, etc, I’m not going to want to listen to what they have to say, because they’re being hostile and rude. However, if someone approaches me with a slightly more amicable demeanor, I’d be more inclined to share words, or at least hear them.
Me: Understand?

But I guess she didn’t, because I didn’t get a response.
How disappointing.

It felt as if she thought that I was trying to scorn her opinion, and I’m not. She knows full well how I feel [but also seems to forget that it affects her other friends such as Kelsey and I just as much as it affects her friend Walker...we just seem to have a bit more backbone than the boy, hrm], but fighting fire with fire doesn’t always work.
Damn kids. So young, so angry…

While cleaning yesterday, I came across a box of pictures. In it, I found a bunch of pictures of me when I was very little. In fact, I found one of my first day of school–ever!–and it’s just…damn it, it’s cute. That sounds egotistical, I guess, since it’s myself, but stiiiill! Deny it, I dare you! :x

I look at it, and I think about how simple it is to be five years old. You don’t really have any responsibilities or deadlines or stress other than, “Birthday’s coming up! What flavor of cake should I ask for?” or, “Have I been good enough for Santa Claus to bring me presents?” Even if you witness the fucked up things that occur in the world, they don’t phase you as much. At least, they didn’t phase me as much as they likely would now.
My younger sister is five, and should be going to Kindergarten this year–although she may be homeschooled–and should she have to go, I lament what awaits her. She’s excited about the idea, as was I [as you can see!] but once it was actually encountered, things like standardization to accommodate everyone at a basic level made it a massive disappointment. It wasn’t all that long before that, “I’m happy just because I’m a little kid and I can be happy!” smile disappeared in exchange for raised eyebrows and an even lip.

It is, I believe, saddening to see that, and to reflect on the events that cause that. Not even necessarily in myself, but in everyone. Disillusionment, sometimes, sucks. Really badly.

Alright kids, it is pretty evident, I think, that I don’t like to skirt around things. It wastes time/energy/effort; getting right to the point is much more efficient.

Earlier, while at work, I was informed by one of my coworkers that I am, “mean.”

“Mean? Cruel? How am I either? I am only honest. It isn’t my fault that the truth can be as unsightly as it often is.”
“Well so am I, but you’re just a bitch about it, Jenn.”
“I adore these discourses…”
“What? What’s a discourse?”
“Consider retracting that query before I say something you’ll deem, ‘mean.’ Nevermind, I’ll just give you a freebie–these discussions, conversations, etc.”
“Why?”
“It always seems that the people who make such accusations against me are the type of person who is far more complacent with whispering and smirking behind the backs of her victims. Who, then, when caught, vehemently deny having said anything to try to save what little face she has. Unlike that type of person, however, I have, at the very least, modicum of manners and decency…I, unlike she, feels it to be in better taste to allow my victim the ability to retort or challenge me. I am not so high on my metaphorical horse, Heather. Oh no…am I again being cruel?”
She is silent.
“If that’s so…it isn’t without ostensible reason. I don’t make a point of voicing my observations, etc. to hurt or be ‘bitchy;’ there is always provocation, as you, yourself, must have surely noticed by now.”
She’s still silent.

Does honesty equate to bitchiness or cruelty? I see how it can, of course, in excess…but moderation is key, and I tend to abide by that. Hrm..

I do not enjoy translating Cicero’s rants or legal representations.

His philosophy, however, is another thing entirely. De Officiis is one of the most famous treatises on morality–although it was more of a collection of them–that survived, shockingly, at the hands of the Catholic Church. Some Roman literary figures, such as Vergil, were mistaken to be Christian prophets. Vergil specifically, because a piece of prose he meant for Marc Antony’s son was mistaken for a piece about Jesus. [Lol.] The Church recognized Cicero as a pagan author, but found his philosophical and moral work to be so profound that they preserved it. Good golly.

Just months after Gaius Julius was assassinated by Brutus and his brood [March 15, 44BC], Cicero, a so-called Champion of the [fallen!] Republic and opposer of the First Triumvirate posed the question, “Vicit ergo utilitas honestatem?”
Translated: “So, therefore, has expediency conquered honor?”

He follows, correcting: “Immo vero, honestas utilitatem secuta est.”
“On the contrary; moral rectitude followed expedience [and ease].”

Prior to his question and correction, he had mused, “Quod potest maius esse scelus quam non modo hominem, sed etiam familiarem hominem occidere? Num igitur se adstrinxit scelere, si qui tyrannum occidit quamvis familiarem? Populo quidem Romano non videtur, qui ex omnibus praeclaris factis illus pulcherrimum existimat.”
“What crime is able to be [deemed] a greater magnitude than to kill not only a man, but a familiar man; a famous man? Surely he has not bound himself with crime or culpable status if he so happened to kill a man who is a tyrant…albeit being a well-known tyrant? Certainly, it does not seem to be so to the Romans who suppose that from all the famous deeds that this one is the most outstanding?”

[Funny he should mention the Roman 'people'. They were kinda pissed that Caesar was assassinated. Normally, when someone mentions 'people' they're talking about the wider, lower class, the Populares. Cicero, though, being an elitist douche meant the Optimates...or those, at least, who opposed Caesar and who wanted to restore the republic.]

Either way, how much do circumstances alter cases?
Is it more horrific to cut down a stranger or a familiar [likely a friend or family member]? What circumstances could or would change that?

And, truly, has ease beaten out what is right? Generally, I think so.

I was re-organizing my music stuffs because I’m asinine about it, and I came across Scarlet from the Ayashi no Ceres soundtrack.

“Hey! I remember that song. It’s beautiful…I haven’t heard it in a while.”

So I open it and find myself, after a minute or so into the song, singing it. I was almost certain I had forgotten the lyrics, and I couldn’t tell them to you before the music started…when I thought about it, I was amused, but it just flowed so well.

It turned out nicely…
And I [obviously] don’t even speak Japanese! [Hence why it is more intriguing.]

I mean, granted, to many of us, I’m sure the first and last terms of my title are often synonymous, but still.

Just a note: This is not a general rant on Christians. Just commentary.

Most children around here are raised in a typical middle-class church. A good deal of the students at my high school attended a private Catholic school [not to say that they are all Catholic--it is just a prestigious school that people want to send their kids to] and are at least self-described Christians.

When you call yourself something or align yourself with its cause or message, I mean, at least be familiar with it.

There are countless examples where I find myself correcting people on the basis of their dogma and canon, but meh. It gets to the point where, last night, my friend Holley calls me with her boyfriend on the line. Holley explains that he has a question about a certain biblical verse and that I might be familiar with it. Dunno why the question came up, but y’know.

“So, Jenn,” this kid starts, “y’know where it says something in there about um…well…having sex with a woman while she’s on her period? Which one is that and what’s the wording?”
“Stephen…why do you need to know that?”
“Someone mentioned it in a speech earlier.”
“Don’t you have a computer?”
“Well, of course.”
“Then look it up.”
“I don’t know what book its in!”
“…Leviticus.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you just tell me?”
“Because you’re a Christian, right? Catholic, more specifically?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Why aren’t you familiar with your scripture?!”
“…I dunno.”
“Why are you having Holley call me, a, for all intents and purposes, heretic, to explain this to you. Meh. Anyway. it’s Leviticus 20:18, I’m confident, and in layman’s terms it says that should you engage in amorous acts while the lady is ‘afflicted,’ them both of you ought to be cut off from society.”
“… … …oh, wow. That’s harsh.”

I shook my head, again, and ended the call.
Damn kids…

I love commercialized holidays. Really, they’re fantastic.

Someone really thought, “Okay, the chocolate industry doesn’t have enough business from PMSing women…so let’s invent a holiday that revolves around chocolate. Also, the card industry doesn’t make enough from birthdays and Christmas, so…let’s combine them!” Cover, let simmer for 7-10 minutes or until al dente, and voila!

Anyway, though, pseudo-cynicism aside, happy Valentine’s Day, folks, regardless of whether or not you have someone right with you to celebrate with…someone loves ya.

Although it sounds ridiculous and pretentious, I don’t include myself when reflecting upon those close to my age (I will be seventeen at the end of June)–particularly the ones I tend to interact with on a semi-daily basis–simply because the circumstances of our lives differ.

My high school (Grades 9-12) is the only in my city–Jeremy disdains to call it a city since it is so small and since its downtown district is minimalistic–, currently. You would think that it would be terribly crowded (and some classes are due to overwhelming interest and piss-poor planning) being the only one but we only house about 900 students. but since it was built to accommodate what currently exists, and not to house any of the expansion, another will have to be constructed in five years’ time. Well, unless they just add to the property.
The building we’re in is in its second year; the adjacent Field Hockey and Baseball fields is where the old building used to be (by the same name). It’s last year–my freshman year–was pretty chaotic and noisy, what with the construction of the new building. Actually, when eighth grade was dropped from the school, the old building wasn’t crowded–but there were asbestos issues, so…
Oh. Yes; for quite some time, the high school housed grades 8-12. My class was the last eighth grade to attend there. Then, grades K-3 were at the elementary, 4-7 and the middle, and 8-12 at the high. We have an upper elementary now, and the distribution is as follows: K-2 at the elementary, 3-5 at the upper elementary, 6-8 at the middle/jr high, and 9-12 at the high.

Anyway, continuing from that history essay…
Since it is so small, everyone is familiar with each other. It’s rare to see someone whose name (at least) you don’t know, and usually they’re a transfer student. Circumstances are similar and cliques mesh oddly well. A good percentage of the students come from upper-middle class families who are well-off and have a little bit more money than they know what to do with.
So what does this result in? Spoiled teens who do not have to earn or do anything for themselves. They don’t know what it’s like to have to work for anything, because things are handed to them. They are entirely unprepared for their life after high school.
Jeremy points out that the issue is that everyone wants to shelter and coddle their “baby” well into their teen years, which is overwhelmingly true. So, some are just not capable of accomplishing things on their own…and should they want to, they either cause disaster due to ignorance or are prevented by their family.

The schools are certainly no help, adhering to the drastically lowered standards that can be owed to the brilliant No Child Left Behind nonsense. They’re told to memorize some facts for a low-level-comprehension standardized test, and then those facts can be forgotten. So these kids know nothing. They don’t know how to learn or adapt, and they don’t know how to accomplish anything, because the bar is lowered perpetually. And they don’t have any desire to, thanks to the typical teen mindset of, “Oh, not me. Nothing bad will happen to me; I will automatically maintain the lifestyle my family provides…etc.”

The media compounds this, making matters even worse. They present this image of, for girls, “If you’re pretty and put out, then you’re set for life!” Mm, no. That’s a HUGE issue. In America, my generation doesn’t seem to understand that that is bullshit. I mean, sure, if you wanna be like Anna Nicole and wed a sugar daddy whose only request is…okay, I stray again.

A couple examples:
Rachel–the girl I went to the beach with–got her license back in October. Right after her birthday in May, so she’d have something to practice in and drive upon getting her license, her parents bought her a BMW. They pay for her gasoline and insurance. They bought her a decent guitar she has no intention of playing. She has both a laptop and a desktop PC. She got her sixth iPod for Christmas. She, her mother, and her sister often go splurge on trips to nail salons. She frequently goes over her minutes on her cellphone and recently led her parents into getting unlimited text messaging for it since she used over 5,000 in one month. She has a part-time job that she frequently calls out of and she still gets allowance and other spending cash from mommy and daddy. This isn’t to mention the vacation they take over Spring Break, the cruise or other Caribbean trip they take in the summer and the annual trip to Sunset.
Rachel cannot do her own laundry, cannot operate a vacuum cleaner, and can’t cook anything that doesn’t require a microwave. When we were at the beach, those of us who were underage weren’t allowed to cook with the oven or stove unless an adult was present–WTF. Almost seventeen and she’s not allowed to cook…because she doesn’t know how? What the HELL is wrong with this picture?
She wants to go to the University of Hawaii. I asked her how she’d manage that, since mom does everything. Most dorms don’t have maid service. She became offended and started to cuss me (which is amusing, because she chronically misuses words). “You don’t even order your own food in a restaurant…how will you handle taking care of yourself?” She laughs, glances down at herself and says that she’ll, “have to find a boy to take care of her.”
…I’m disgusted.

My close friend, Kelsey, turns seventeen at the end of this month. [We're all juniors in HS, by the way.] Love her to death, but she’d dumber than a lightning-blasted stump. She was a lifeguard summer before last, but quit because she really didn’t know what she was doing. She’s not spoiled, but she’s sure as hell sheltered. Or her mom tries, anyway. She’s going to be screwed when she leaves the house because she’s entirely dependent on her parents or friends for everything. Mom wakes her up in the morning for school, mom gets all her food for her, mom even cleans her room, occasionally does her shopping, and takes care of her dog–her dog. She ruined a microwave making ramen because she thought that leaving the spoon in the bowl would be alright. At least she can work a vacuum, right? Kelsey acknowledges that all this is terribly fucked up and tries to do something about it, but instead of being taught, she’s told to go do something else.
Her mother is also one of those parents who thinks that a mood swing that is typical of a teenager is a sign of mental illness and sends Kelsey off to a shrink once a week, and had her going to anger management therapy for a bit. Against her will, she’s on Prozac…and her dose was upped last week. Trust me; she doesn’t need it.

It’s pathetic. Teens complain that they don’t have enough freedom, but the majority prove, in an endless waltz, that they can’t handle it! Simple, personal responsibilities surpass seem their ability or interest at this point.
The ones that do desire to ready themselves for their impending lives are mostly hindered by a combination of, oh, everything…which must be very frustrating for them.
It is so pitiful…the whole thing.

I didn’t even make that one up!
Of course, I’ve only seen it use in architectural contexts, but hey.
Improvisation!

Why, pray tell, do people–especially in adolescence and even early adulthood–feel the incessant need to prove themselves? Moreover, why do they feel compelled to do so to people who don’t give a fuck?

It tries my already-worn patience. Facades are annoying. :|
People are annoying.
[And confusing.]