Alright, so, for this [final!] torturous year of high school, I have been endowed with an entirely incompetent [what a plot twist!] English teacher. With the exception of my eighth grade and freshman years, since I was eleven I have had English teacher’s whose abilities were…questionable, at best.
A quick rundown:
6th: Jen Hicks. Nice, young, but airheaded. Had no grasp of grammar whatsoever. I wonder what it feels like to be corrected by eleven-year-olds on sentence structure?
7th: Liz Prady. Bitch. Couldn’t spell to save her life…and it got to the point where she was asking me how to spell things like, “Synonym,” “Melancholy,” and, “Bizarre.” Had an affinity for bad poetry.
8th: Katie Oliver. Just out of college with an English Masters, it was her first year teaching. She proved to be more formidable than her older colleagues. Kudos.
9th: See above; once eighth grade was removed from the High School, she was bumped up to teaching Advanced ninth. Continued to prove her worth and ability. She was a pleasure to have.
10th: Kelly Everett. Leans toward the literature side of the spectrum, which I hate. She has no grasp on grammar or spelling…or on her class. It was pretty out of control. She’s nice, but…she is, for lack of a better word, a n00b.
11th (this year): Gail Jones…and that’s who this is all about!
Alright, so, this is an older lady…I’d say late fifties, early sixties. She’s more concerned with attempting to [and failing at] asserting her dominance over her class, although we are by no means unruly. She deducts points from assignments, quizzes, and tests without reason. She takes ages to grade things [A paper was due on September 22. It is now January 17, and I do not have my paper back]. She obsesses herself with having the last word and absolutely refuses to admit to no wrongdoing or mistake in anything–yeah, that’s a good example to set for teenagers, eh?–and enjoys arguing for the sake of arguing. Mrs. Jones also seems to believe that she is clever and quick-witted, believing she’s tricky and that she fools the class of sixteen-and-seventeen-year-olds…and punctuates her triumphant remarks about this with a raucous laugh.
Wait, aren’t we expected to not know everything? Or, rather, anything? Isn’t that *why* we’re in school? [Oh, no, wait, it's too fulfill Bush's No Child Left Behind bullshit...there's no such thing as learning in America.]
Speaking of Bush, she is very right-wing, very Republican. [Those of you who may be as well, do not take offense, this is not an attack on anyone's stance or views.] She is also a hardcore Christian, a Baptist to be precise, and she often forces her views and beliefs on us. On occasion, she’ll be like, “Oh well, this sorta ties into [literature we're covering..even though it has nothing to do with it] so y’know…it’s just so I can kinda sneak my piece in without getting in trouble. +Raucous laugh.+”
So…she blatantly states that she is trying to avoid the consequences that could be reaped from her breaking the law by bringing her religious views into the classroom.
Isn’t something wrong with that? Personally, I find it highly offensive. I don’t attack people about their religious beliefs…but I also will not stand to be preached at by someone whose salary is paid by my goddamn taxes, much less a school teacher who is prohibited by law from doing so.
Today, it got to be…dramatic. She calls on me to answer such-and-such question about Nathaniel Hawthorne. And I do. And she says, “No, it’s this.” “I think you might be looking at the wrong answer on your key, Mrs. Jones.” “I am not! It says right here–!” “Look, we went through this the other day [which I'll get to later]. You’re in err.”
She then busts out the Ten fucking Commandments on me…I love this.
> “Jennifer, number five says to respect your elders.”
~ “Mm, no, not quite; five says to honor thy father and mother. You are neither. Please continue this, I love correcting Christians on their faith.”
> “Beg pardon?”
~ “You never got that hearing aide, I suppose. I said, ‘You obviously don’t know jack about your own faith, so please continue to make a fool of yourself before us…I’ll be more than obliged to entertain you.’ Go for it. I dare you.”
> “I’ve had about enough of–”
~ “Me? Likewise. If you wanted to be a minister, seek ordination. This is a public school, not a church. I won’t stand for it. And anyway…I delight in the hypocrisy that the majority of this faculty distributes: ‘Respect is not given, it is earned…but because I am older than you and in a position of so-called authority, you will respect me.’ Practice what you preach.”
> “Oh, that’s it. You’ll be staying after school on exam week.”
~ “I entreat you.”
It sounds ridiculous, I guess…I suppose I sound like I’m trying to be a rebellious, controversial, edgy teen. I don’t mean to be, honestly. However, I would truly like her to try to punish me in any way, shape, or form…I’d have her job.
Anyway–this woman has a Masters in English, too. You’d think that, being a native speaker of the language and all, you’d be a competent speaker? Not Gail Jones! She omits letters like a pro, I swear. She omits the L in, “rule[s],” “school,” and other similar words. She over pronounces the H sound in words like, “what,” “which,” “why,” etc. “Detrimental,” is “De’r'mennul.” “Deteriorating,” is “Det’ratin.” There are thousands of examples of the atrocity that is her speech [and no, she doesn't have an impediment, it's just...ebonics], but I can’t think of all of them…nor do I care to, because it infuriates me. Her hearing is also deteriorating, so when we’re doing some mindless grammar, she corrects people who weren’t wrong. Like me.
> “Uhh…Jenn. Eleven?”
~ “Run. ‘Has she run this type of machinery before?’”
> “No, it’s, ‘run,’ with a U.”
~ “…that’s what I said.”
> “No, you said, ‘ran,’ with a [not an!] A.”
~ “I most definitely supplied the right answer.” I glance to the people around me who nod in agreement with me.
> “Jenn, I don’t get you. You act like it’s a tragedy to be wrong! Just admit it.”
~ “It isn’t a tragedy…but I’m not wrong. Mrs. Jones, I don’t get you. You obsess yourself with discovering me in err. You’re a hypocrite with selective deafness. And if it isn’t selective, you ought to be outfitted with a hearing aide.”
- “Mrs. Jones…she said run. Please, can we move on?” asks another student.
Also, she severely confuses things. The other day, she asks for an example of an allegory. [Like...The Crucible being an allegory for the 1940s.] I don’t remember the example that was given to her by my classmate, but she goes, “No, that’s not an allegory. That’s a paradox.” I couldn’t even help myself…
~”What? There is nothing paradoxical about that tale.”
> “That’s exactly what it is!”
~ “Nothing we have covered in here has dealt in paradoxes. Most of this class couldn’t tell you what a paradox is. Can you?”
> “Uh, yes it has. A short fable with a mora–”
~ “A parable, perhaps?”
> “No, Jennifer, a paradox. Why do you persist to contradict me?”
~ “Because you persist to try to inflate us with misinformation.” I walk over, grab a dictionary, and recite Webster’s definition for, “parable,” and then for, “paradox.”
> “…Oh.”
~ “Sorry Jonesy. I win again.”
I refuse to be corrected and/or criticized by someone with sub-par knowledge of something, unless there is outstanding evidence that I’m wrong.
At the beginning of the year, I hated it. Now that she’s made herself my victim for this academic year [I have one every year x3], it’s almost fun. Don’t get me wrong, the incompetency and sub-standard staff that we are provided with absolutely infuriate me…
Maybe she’ll retire after this year.
