I Am Woman

It’s not working! *screams and stomps around* BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Okaies then. You want to know what I think of the king of Chess? I think he’s a fat bastard that sits around and does nothing but move one or two steps. He’s pathetic, so in a sense, he has to have everyone around to protect him.

Even his wife who is very much like Bloody Mary… butchering everyone to and fro. She is the REAL power of this game. But when it comes down to it and everyone else is gone, the king is surrounded. Since his villagers (the pawns) are all dead, he doesn’t receive any food. And since he tells his wife to go fight his battles, so they can’t make baby knights after she’s speared to death.

The bishops are so ashamed that he stupes down to the level of eating his own feces when starvation sets in that they commit religious suicide. As the romans do. And the bloody Rooks? They’re freakin towers! They CAN’T MOVE. It’s only a delusion the king has when his specs get lost up his fat ass as he sits down on his crumbling throne.

SO all in all. The king is deprived of his sex life and his food, so he loses LOADS of weight. Which I think, given the situation, the king should be able to move a little more than one space if he’s lost all that weight and if he’s completely surrounded. Hell, give him the powers of his deceased wife.

I hate the bastard.

I guess what I mean to say is, I lost the game 2 times in a row, fighting to the death and unwilling to give up until I was completely surrounded. BUT I did win the last! I restore my throne and VICTORY! *Churchill V sign*