The Hairy Lemon quickly become boring. As I said, the guarding of the men’s bathroom door became rather futile. Jaimie the Theif made no attempts to help me, and John was taking a pee break every 5 minutes. Ninja Alex came over and handed me a drink. I think that it was poisoned by the bartender! I then began to feel light-headed and very, very… happy. It was unusual for me to even be happy so I walked over to the bartender and punched him in the head. Skillfully, cut of the circulation to his brain with several moves of my signature pinch manuever. Then I just thought it best to undo it all and go back to my drink seeing I wasn’t dead in a matter of minutes.
I gave him a kiss to make up for the mistake and wished him a Happy New Year. Johnny D the bard saw my unusual behavior and explained to me that I was well more than tipsy and that it was nothing to worry about. The five of us left the Hairy Lemon in hopes that we might make it back to Oscars in time to find a girly friend for Theif Jaimie andBard Johnny D. We ran, swerving on and off the road. Leap frogging over men, women and children alike. It was almost the New Year and I was terribly upset (not really) that we hadn’t found ‘Jesus’ yet!
To our dismay, Oscars doors had been shut! Bewildered we were! A burly old man, who I believe was the security guard at the Hairy Lemon laughed hysterically then slammed it’s doors. We hadn’t a place to go! Ninja Alex voted himself to jump buildings ahead to find a place for us to stay. I told him to stay with us as a group, that it would be safer. But Ninja Alex was known to be a bit of a ronin and scouted on ahead. The streets were extremely dangerous at night. With plastic bags, wild bums and devilish prostitutes out on the loose, no one would be safe.
After several minutes, I began to worry what happened to Ninja Alex. I then heard and “oof!” from Bard Johnny D. I saw that Ninja Alex had jumped down on to his shoulders to make a safe landing.
“Away to the Tanners!!” Ninja Alex exclaimed. Theif Jaimie shook his head.
“No way! We’ll never make it there in time! Not with these devilish prositutes and wild bums… and even more fearsome, the wind blown plastic bags!”
Desperate for our next drink, we finally agreed to make haste to leave to this place called the Tanners. Swordsman John made himself comfortable by first using the toliet. He came out, the expression on his face completely relieved. Swordsman John, being my concubine, gave me a kiss that I could hardly feel. At the time, I was overly excited so it was nice all the same. I felt that everyone in the room was my great big family. The countdown was now to 10…9…8…
I tried to remember what a kiss felt like…
7…6…5…
What was Theif Jaimie going on about? His lips were moving but I couldn’t hear much of anything as my world became blurry.
4…3…2…
One? By this time, I had completely forgotten about the villianous Christ and had a shot of Sidekick. It was brilliantly minty. The countdown to the New Year was only 1 second away!
1… Happy New Year!
Twas indeed an happy new Year. I was then bombarded with hugs from my new family. It was more guys than girls giving me the kisses, though. Awe-struck, all I could do was hug. Though I felt I loved everyone in the room, I couldn’t bring myself to kiss anyone, not even my concubine. With a big grin on my face I opened my arms to anyone willing to hug me. Ninja Alex, the well known ronin, even gave me a hug!
After the mess of hugs and kisses, I sat on a stool that Concubine Swordsman John set out for me. Then I saw him…JESUS CHRIST!!! With a red, glittery thorn crown!
to be continued… it was a long night…
