Ever  had one of those days when you want to kill the postman. Everything was sailing along sort of fine and whammo…My thieving landlord is now determined to stop me eating all in the name of profit. How am I supposed to find another £50 a month.. That’s an increase in my rent of £155 a month in the last year. It wouldn’t be so bad if he had actually done something about the broken heating, the condemned wiring and the leaking roof, but he hasn’t. Fuck it.. I just give up. If I leave there will be either a gas leak or a major electrical fault. The bastard has bled me of cash this year so that I am at the point of not having enough money to move. With all this and being ill I don’t know where to turn any more. I heard a good and dark thing tonight on some film or other. “death is a road we all have to take someday, yet it’s not the end..just a different path. Then this grey rainswept world clears and becomes silver light” or something like that.

I was hoping a friend was going to come and stay for a while next week, but now it seems not. I’m feeling very isolated and alone here. Maybe they will come soon, but if not I don’t know what I will do. It’s hard to say that you need somebody, but I have no family and very few friends (actually in this town I have no friends).. Notice the time again. It’s always very early morning when I post.. I’m back in the darkness where I hide from everything. Maybe I’ll have another attempt at sleeping, I had to get out of bed because I was crying on my own in the dark, and after 2 hours of that I really had enough of it. I’m not sure what I was so upset about. Maybe I should have another attempt at seeing my useless doctor, the one who makes me wait 6 weeks for an appointment, or perhaps another attempt like last time that actually resulted in getting to talk to somebody about the way I’m feeling and what I can do to try and get out of this hole!! Nah..forget it..can’t be bothered. It didn’t help anything last time so this time isn’t going to be any different.