I’m zapped. I have no idea why.
I haven’t been drawing or anything for the last few days, yet I still have no creative energy. Usually I can just look at some other art and eventually I’ll be like “wow, I feel inspired DRAWINGNOW!” but it’s not working.
I blame medication ¬_¬
Or just sheer laziness, but I don’t want to be lazy. Being lazy is like being in a rut you’re too lazy to want to get out of.
Accomodation’s being a bit of a gamble. There’s “definitely” a place that will be free at the end of August that would be “perfect” for us (by location, yes), but because someone’s still living there the letting agency won’t let us look around it. I’m not liking.
It’s also unfurnished, which is a bugger. But considering everywhere within walking distance of the uni is going for £80 a week plus bills I think I’ll take the £55 a week share unfurnished. Plus I’ll know by then what my results are and can lay down a deposit straight off.
When I get my results I may email them asking them if anyone in accomodation drops out from results if they’ll be allocating more people (I’m further away than any of the girls looking with me, so maybe I’m right on the edge of the “living too close line” …which is fucking sods law! ). That is of course if my results are good enough.
Dunno. I’m slightly more hopeful now. I mean, I tried harder in art this year than I did last year so hopefully I’ll be more than 2 marks off a D. But then, trying doesn’t neccessarily mean success. It’s one of the most subjectively marked things, it’s really hit and miss.
…Ok I’m less hopeful after thinking about that. Our art teacher didn’t give the slightest hint whether we were going off track this year… hell, last year I was predicted an A, then “oh, look, a C!” no notice that “yeah that won’t get you any marks it’s not relevent” or “you’re unbalanced in writing about artists and stuff.”
I guess it was a risky approach really. I mean, my critical study (a subject of our own choice) was not one I could stick in copy-pasted artist biographies about (which I despise doing, but gets marks for the people that do do it and don’t get caught)Â since it was about ancient mythology art. It wasn’t one I could do an ‘original’ piece for, because I’m not willing to disrespect an old religion by ‘making up a (religion) god!’, so nothing that wasn’t at least using a character from mythology, even if in a different style.
And there’s at least 3 things I did digitally. My art teacher assured me that would be fine, but we’re still in the “The computer made it for you!” age in the traditional world. I wrote a massive essay to cover my back explaining that there is no magical ‘create good digital art’ button, but I’m not sure they’ll take it.
My exam was surreal, compared to most people’s. Well it was “objects and objectivity” and objectivity is a concept, not an object… how can that be represented otherwise?! But at the same time I suppose I warped “objects” into “symbols” - I made objectivity (or proving its non-existance) priority, and that’s more explaining than art… so maybe it doesn’t ‘logically’ lead to the outcome of my final piece (which was essentially “objectivity is in the eye of the beholder” kind of thing.
I’ve generally always taken a “my way” approach to most subjects, quite naturally. Usually it gets me the ‘correct’ result but if I explain how I got there people don’t find it straightforward enough to understand it (glad there’s no more maths for me =P). For things like Film Studies that’s fine, because the result is all that’s marked. For art, the journey makes up 3/4 of the mark and if that can’t be followed, then I’ve lost that.
I guess it could be an aversion to being led by the hand - like Film Studies, and refusing to settle for doing a magazine review rather than making a film 
And I guess that aversion is an aversion to this “bubble town” where people just settle for whatever’s easiest and closest. I know I’m lazy a lot of the time but there’s a line. Me and my mates are practically the only people in our college going to a uni outside of Sussex. Our college is small, but not that small. The teachers barely know what’s going on outside of this place and barely encourage anything apart from “Go to Northbrook! We know people there!”
(Northbrook, who threw away any chance of me applying by setting up an “about Art Foundation” thing that would have been useful if it was acutally about art foundation, instead of just about them)
If I have to redo a year it’s not a huge problem… problems being that my parents still think we’re having a nice time now but are destined to fail, and therefore it will be harder to move in with my boyfriend (who starts 2007 at somewhere near mine) straight from living at home than it will when I’ve had a year by myself and they’ve registered that I can actually make descisions. I’ll also then be a year behind in finishing therefore holding him back from getting a job in the right place (or making him commute everyday, since I won’t be able to drive)
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