Mog and Chips

It’s just been hell.

I don’t know what my results are, but I need a deposit.

I don’t know whether I’m going or not yet, but I need a job.

I’ve just had a ‘discussion’ with my mum and apparently everything I’ve done is somehow wrong. Everything since I chose to do animation instead of something accountanty and high paying. I’ve “trashed” my “gift” for maths (which I hate with a passion) to join one of the fastest growing industries.

The uni I’ve chosen is wrong. The fact that I’m probably going to have to live near if not in London to get a job or to go to exhibitions is irrelevent: Everything’s going to cost more. I know that. I’m planning on getting a job the moment I get there, during the first week, and I’m getting it bashed in my head that I’m never actually going to because “that’s what I’m like”

Says them that moved from the cheap housing of up north in the first place.
I didn’t get a job in summer because of 1- dog, and 2- exams. Somehow the fact I revise in my room equates to: I spent the entire study leave messing about on my computer. Regardless of the 40ish study cards for one subject alone. Somehow I “spent most of my study leave with Paul so if I had a job it wouldn’t have made a difference to how much I’d revise” despite the fact he still had college so I couldn’t have seen him any more than usual.

Then when I did look, I didn’t try hard enough. I went into every single shop advertising and asked, didn’t get any luck. I tried on temping, but I’m not qualified enough. I have 4 weeks left, and I’m getting nagged to get a job NOW because I have £26 left and Next owes me £9.

And the fact I can’t speak back and argue my case just demonstrates my maturity. I’ll do really well at uni with that. I haven’t even told them to their faces I want to take that year out and I don’t know how I will. Everything that concern’s them I’ve left to the last minute as if it doesn’t exist because I don’t want the negativity when I ask them to fill out this form or help me get to surrey to look at the houses, because it somehow feels that the hassle is my fault too.

In the last year or so I thought I’d got a lot more outgoing than I once was but in the past few months with all this university stuff falling around my ears I feel like I’ve just sprang back to being as withdrawn as I used to be.

If I take a year out, I can probably get at least £1000… considering all my mates will have moved on and I’ll have barely any social life (not that I do when I’m skint anyway) I’ll be able to save considerably more. It’ll be easier to start looking early and we can get down a deposit somewhere cheaper than all the places going since summer. With buses that stop at 6pm and all the places close to the uni being either taken or going for £80 per week unfurnished and excluding bills I don’t think I’ve really got a chance at the moment, if I want a job while I’m there too.

I don’t know how I’m going to bring up the subject though, since they’re already dead set against it when I said I might have to rather than pay £80pw, nevermind that I actually feel that I want to.

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