Mog and Chips

This is quite possibly the shittist time to get a weeklong mood swing.

I go home for my bday thinking I can relax, end up spending £18 just on bus fare because the prices went up, got dragged out shoe shopping for 4 hours without finding anything and getting more and more pissed off and somehow paying less than £60 for boots is disgraceful when thats more than my weekly food/travel/bills budget. (Which doesn’t quite beat being a disappointment to my mother for buying second class stamps I must admit). I don’t get any time to breathe because I want to be sociable and see my mates, who then drag me to all of their mates so I barely get the chance to talk to them anyway, then the next day get dragged out again (another £3 each bus fare) and STILL don’t get the time with my mate because her mates are there and for some reason getting pissed off at us when they live together for godsake, and parents wanted to take me back sunday morning so they’re pissed that I wanted to go out, which I didn’t particularly want to do in the first place. Getting taken on the guilt trip for actually going to uni and getting money from them when I would get mauled to death if I didn’t actually go to uni in the first place because then I’d again, be disappointing to certain someone and would never live it down.

Then again, if I don’t get a first at the end of uni I’ll never live it down either. I don’t know if she’s forgotten the ‘coming second in a maths test’ or ‘only being in the secondary school’s evening of excellence twice when sis was in it every year’ when everyone except her realises its not people that do well, academically, it’s people that get noticed or are being given the pity party that are chosen.

Everything at home is just fucked anyway. My mate’s attempted to commit suicide several times while my other mate is sleeping around and going out with a drug dealer. Great stuff -_-

Didn’t get any work done at the weekend so no point me going in last monday, now we need an A2 portfolio and plastic sheets (”ohmygodNO it CAN’T be A1 or A3″ -_-) so that’s another week’s food budget gone. I’m already over budget this week and I can’t work out why even though I haven’t bought anything I wouldn’t usually and that’s with less food than most weeks. The taps on my place have just gone spurting lovely black bits so not only can I not store any drinks in the fridge because it’s too damn small for 3 people but I can’t have diluted juice either.

I need to have a full minute animatic for next tuesday when the storyboard it was meant to be based on got attacked by the tutor so all the last few weeks have been useless. I’m a week behind schedule on my walk cycle, need that damn portfolio for next week and I will be insanely fucked off if I can’t get either the portfolio or sheets and somehow get disqualified because “they’re not in plastic sleeves” or some bullshit like that, and I don’t think anyone’s done the digital skills project because it still hasn’t been explained in the slightest and I can’t take anything home with me anyway.

 I’m missing days because I’m off my food and feeling to weakly in the morning to go, the roaches still aren’t sorted and I can’t afford that much food anyway, my “omg railcard will save me money!” plan is down the drain because some time since my last one I can’t use it before 10am which is before all my lessons except friday saving me all of 60p a week. And my head’s buzzing so much from this damn mood swing I can’t actually sit down and do it and keep getting distracted by rediculous obsessive compulsive things, which nearly made me late this morning for my lecture as well.

Oh, and one of my housemates sounds like he’s beating his girlfriend up, but I can’t tell, and that’s worrying me because instead of doing something useful I’m just freezing like “fuck, what do I do?” because I can’t tell just by being able to hear, I don’t know her so can’t contact her other than when she’s in the house with said housemate. And I can’t exactly call social services or something if that’s not whats actually happening.

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