One of my best friend’s texted me at 2.15am. It was a goodbye - a suicide text.
No, she’s not an emo, she’s someone that has attempted it before and been in hospital for it. I don’t know what happened or anything but it was fucking scary - can’t call the ambulance if you don’t know where someone is, she was hanging up when I tried to call her and then about half past when it just started ringing out instead, like she couldn’t answer it. None of my mates, even the ones that lived near her, knew where she was and they were as worked up as I was. Without knowing where she was, no-one could do anything. And you just feel so damn useless like you should be able to do something. You’re guilty because you’re not doing anything when there must be something you can do to help.
She texted at 10.33 to say she’s ok, she’s alive, but damn it’s scary. Especially after all she went through and lived through before, to die now is just…
There’s nothing I can do now - I’ve sent texts offering support and asking if she wants ringing (you know when you’re upset you don’t want six thousand people barging in) either she’s busy, out of credit, or doesn’t want to respond. Anyway, I may end up skipping some uni to go south and see how she’s doing (if the uni doesn’t understand, then sod em, friend’s life > a few lessons) but only if she wants me to.
To continue doing everyday things just seems wrong but it’s not like there’s a lot else I can do.
Well, here’s something from someone’s blog on myspace (which sucks more than I previously thought due to blatant auto-add friends software or something which keeps bombarding my account there -_-)
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING…
1. What does next year have in store for me?
Cigaro (SOAD) … so next year my cock will be much bigger than yours? …I’m not sure I like this =P
2.What does your love life look like?
Guarded (Disturbed) …Interesting
3. What do I say when life gets hard?
“Everything I do, I do it for you” (Bryan Adams I think, the Robin Hood one) ACK! Cheese!
4. What do I think when I get up in the morning?
Everybody’s Fool (Evanescence) …And then people wonder why I don’t like getting up in the morning
5. What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Silence (Delerium) …Fuck that’s hard to dance to O.o
6. What do you want as a career?
Car Chase City (Tenacious D) …That sounds fun!
7. whats your favorite saying?
POD (Tenacious D - Pick of Destiny) …I do like the song though
8. Favorite place?
Endlessly (Muse)
9. What do you think of your parents?
Wisdom (Delerium) …That’s just uncanny damnit
10. Where would you go on a first date?
Once Upon A December (Aaliyah, from the Anastacia film … hey I AM an animation student! )
11. Drug of choice?
Supermassive Black Hole (Muse) …The music suits at least.
12. Describe yourself:
Bring Your Own Bomb/BYOB (SOAD) …Aaaahahaa, that’s quite amusing
13. What is the thing you like doing most?
Within You (David Bowie, Labyrinth soundtrack) …Considering the first question’s answer, I’m really not liking the sound of this!
14. The song that best describes the president?
10,000 Fists (Disturbed)
15. What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Monsters (Funeral for a Friend)
16. How will I die?
I need a Hero (Shrek 2 version)
17. The song you’ll put as the subject??
Avarice (Disturbed)
02/03/2007 at 5:01 pm Permalink
Not to come across as a harsh bastard (which I will anyway) but she IS emo. People that commit suicide leave notes to be found afterwards, they don’t go texting their mates beforehand. That’s just a cry for help that they’re stuck and don’t know what to do. Either that or they’re just fucked in the head. I’ve known a few people like that, all of them still very much alive to this day. They can scare the living daylights out of you with stunts like that though.
The best thing you can do is keep poking her to get help.
03/03/2007 at 2:00 am Permalink
I wouldn’t text, I would just mail and transfer my belongings first and then… (>O_O)
Jep, just poke about help :/
05/03/2007 at 12:22 pm Permalink
I just read about your friend and I hate to admit, I agree with X on this one, I wouoldnt say she IS emo, but I agree on the cry for help sorta thing, And god knows, I can relate to how scary it is when someone tries to kill themselfs, My mum tried it last year when she kinda hit that bad bout of depression, and sad thing is I actully did lose a good and close friend through suicide.
I think the scariest thing is in them situations is not knowing where they are in my opinion
I think your doing the right thing, being there for her will prob do her the world of good, she sounds like she could do with someone to talk to. And again, as X stated, try and talk her into seeing someone professional into offering help for her.
Sorry to comment on a very tense and personal situation for you but suicide hits a raw nerve to me, Im glad to hear shes okay.
05/03/2007 at 2:23 pm Permalink
The thing is, she has reason to be emo - her family’s tried to kill her amoung other shit, she’s tried before on her own and been hospitalised (and didn’t tell anyone those times) and had the help and just gone back to how things were.
This time (I found out yesterday) she was drunk, which explains why she did actually text everyone. It’s something emo’s do do, but it’s something I wouldn’t put past her, which is why we were all so genuinely worried.
06/03/2007 at 12:17 am Permalink
A lot of people have a lot of unfortunate shit. =(
Problem is not everyone is the same, as strong and thus handles things differently, yes. All that anyone close can do, is try whatever they can and think it’s best…
10/03/2007 at 3:31 pm Permalink
Be nice people!
It doesn’t matter if she’s emo or your saintly mother, she is having a rough patch in her life and she figured the only way out is to take her life.
At times like these, she needs to know she’s loved and appreciated by those closest to her even if it was only a low moment. I think you’re a great friend in being geniunely worried about her, Littlemog.