Well, I recently dug through ANOTHER of my blogs/journals I’d left lying around online. This one was pretty old, from high school, and I’d just started playing around with it. It was pretty bad, but it got a little better with time, so for old times sakes, I saved some of the better stuff instead of all of it. I don’t really want to leave traces of me lying around on the web that I don’t monitor too much. Obfuscation. I don’t know why I bother.

so some of the more memorable things I came up with:

first off, I googled that stupid saying “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, only I messed it up, and googled “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. It came up with an image of a taco/nacho thing..basically a big pile of sour cream and peppers and vegetables and cheese and the like. I’m not particularly inclined towards Mexican food, so needless to say I was highly satisfied to have my beliefs confirmed by my search: Tacos kill, folks, tacos kill. And if they don’t kill you right away, they’re merely lulling you into a false sense of security. They’ll get ya in the end. They always get ya.
I tried to duplicate the search results last night. I came up with some random pictures and about 5 of them in a row were men in man thongs. That was a little of an odd correlation. (this’ll probably sound really bad in a few days)
I couldn’t find the taco (

next up, I’m sure almost everyone has seen “Empire Strikes Back”, the second installment in the original Star Wars trilogy. Remember that scene, when the Imperials are attacking, and they start launching transports? That scene where the controller is like “Standby ion control…fire.” Yeah, that’s my favorite scene/line, like ever, in any movie.
Yeah, I know.
The point is that the transport whooshes off past the Star Destroyer that’s now flying off course. And then in the rebel base everyone’s running around, and the PA is like, “First transport is away…first transport is away.” And everyone’s like, yay kinda half-assedly, then go about running around.
Well, like what are they supposed to say if a transport gets ambushed by a couple Star Destroyers and gets, well..stardestroyed?
“boo, you suck Empire”
?

Imagine how much it would suck having an ambulance driver as a backseat driver. Like, they know their shit (I’d hope), they have to take a class in it, I’ve seen it listed, Emergency Driving, so imagine trying to argue back. I’m a weak arguer, so maybe this only applies for me, but wow, like, what’re you supposed to say? I’m sorry this car doesn’t handle like that big bulky ass ambulance you drive around really fast for a living?
Only thing worse I can think of is having an ambulance driver as a patient, haha. Like, he’s hurt, but not enough to be more worried about his injury than backseat driving another ambulance driver so he can lean over and yell at the driver and say how he’d do it. Oh man, imagine an OLD ambulance driver! “Back in the old day, WE would have taken that left three lights ago, other cars be damned…we used to have RESPECT those days. Young’uns these days, don’t respect us none, you young whippersnappers are always driving so recklessly! No don’t take this exit! The next one, the NEXT ONE! Back in the old day…”
I’m not taking too much amusement from this, it’s perfectly funny.

Mickey Mouse can’t get a Whopper if he wants one…no shirt, no service :o (eww, mouse nipples)

how cool would….A Day With Tony Jaa Be?!
Person: “I’m thirsty…I think I’ll get a refreshing Pepsi:Kumquat!”
Person: “Damn! Damn machine ate my change!”
Tony Jaa: (”Stand back, I’ve got this”)*
::Tony Jaa destroys machine with a kick::
::Spare change sprinkles down like Skittles from the rainbow::
Person: “Wow! Tony Jaa, you’re the coolest!”
Tony Jaa: (”I know, I know…now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed elsewhere”)
::Tony Jaa runs away like a cheetah::
*in Thai..I think. Or Jaaspeak. Which may or not be Thai.

this was my favorite:
If a pregnant woman murders someone, is the baby an accessory to the murder?

you’d think advertisers are either the coolest or most disturbingly odd people ever