I don’t know how many of you have ever had the privilege of possessing a handicap parking sign thing. It’s the best thing in the world, honest to god. It’s like wherever you go, be it even a lowly little K-mart, it’s like the staff inside practically leap out of the doors the moment you enter the parking lot, clear away all the vehicles, hand signal your parking with all the skill of aircraft handlers, and roll out a red carpet woven of the finest silk dyed of the brightest crimson so that there’s no chance of a single part of your body touching the 3 feet between you and the entrance as they carry you in on a golden palanquin complete with slave girls feeding you grapes and fanning you with palm fronds.
Honestly, for this one week this summer visiting my grandparents, it was pretty awesome. And that was it. But tonight, while watching the Colbert Report, he made a remark about handicap spots, and I suddenly realized something. What happens when you go to the mall, and the handicap parking spot is taken? If you thought it was bad to have to walk from a parking spot so far away you can’t even see the mall due to the earth’s curvature, imagine how much it would suck to roll/limp/hobble/crawl that far when you’re used to having a parking spot practically in the mall. I should be a car salesman, and drive the kind of car I sell, that way I always have a parking spot waiting for me in the showroom at work.