Today on Inventions that Didn’t Quite Finish the Job:
the tissue box

The tissue box was invented about 1823 by a Mr.Thomas Diggleforth, and basically it’s got tissues in a fairly convenient storage method. But there’s always that initial tissue issue, or the 5:1 ratio rule. You can spend 5 seconds to get 1 tissue, or get 5 tissues in less than 1 second. The user doesn’t need 5 tissues right from the break-in of a new box, neither does the user want to spend 5 seconds awkwardly pawing at a pad of tissues like an idiot. Also exists the Weakest Link Point, whereat the tissues stop their magical lemming act of following the previous one. Some also call this the sync break, but they also call soda “pop”, so nobody cares what they think. Also “sync break” is a retarded name for basically when the gap between the top and the bottom of the tissue box is too big and folded together tissues don’t stay together with enough cohesion to allow the next tissue to be primed properly, leaving you awkwardly poking into a tissue box fishing for that next tissue, possibly again, invoking the initial tissue issue’s secondary stage (proc=?%).
This has been an entire post of trash, but not really, because tissue boxes continually leave me in the ultimate doomsday scenario: a cold hits, and my nasal cavity is facing 40 days and 40 nights of stormy seas and i get to a tissue box, the tissue is stuck somewhere down there, I’m frantically fishing for a tissue, and end up pulling like the last 5 tissues out, which I kinda unsort before I blow my nose, then as the second wave threatens to crash down almost immediately I find….an empty box. So after I find another box of tissues I need to deal wtih again, getting that first goddamn fucking tissue out of some Gordianesque box. Ridiculous.