Saint

Whatever happened to in-store shopping sprees? The kind where you go in, and you find out you’ve won like $1000 in-store dollars, but have like 5 minutes to shop and you get to go running around and buy stuff.
I think as a childhood fantasy that was located somewhere in the spectrum around being a firefighter and catching a frog, practical, amazing, and I sure as hell don’t have to wait to grow up to get it…
and yet, these days it’s just your garden variety sales that are left standing. I guess that’s that, and somewhere in my mind the little cynical voice says “blame a lawsuit.”

Today on Inventions that Didn’t Quite Finish the Job:
the tissue box

The tissue box was invented about 1823 by a Mr.Thomas Diggleforth, and basically it’s got tissues in a fairly convenient storage method. But there’s always that initial tissue issue, or the 5:1 ratio rule. You can spend 5 seconds to get 1 tissue, or get 5 tissues in less than 1 second. The user doesn’t need 5 tissues right from the break-in of a new box, neither does the user want to spend 5 seconds awkwardly pawing at a pad of tissues like an idiot. Also exists the Weakest Link Point, whereat the tissues stop their magical lemming act of following the previous one. Some also call this the sync break, but they also call soda “pop”, so nobody cares what they think. Also “sync break” is a retarded name for basically when the gap between the top and the bottom of the tissue box is too big and folded together tissues don’t stay together with enough cohesion to allow the next tissue to be primed properly, leaving you awkwardly poking into a tissue box fishing for that next tissue, possibly again, invoking the initial tissue issue’s secondary stage (proc=?%).
This has been an entire post of trash, but not really, because tissue boxes continually leave me in the ultimate doomsday scenario: a cold hits, and my nasal cavity is facing 40 days and 40 nights of stormy seas and i get to a tissue box, the tissue is stuck somewhere down there, I’m frantically fishing for a tissue, and end up pulling like the last 5 tissues out, which I kinda unsort before I blow my nose, then as the second wave threatens to crash down almost immediately I find….an empty box. So after I find another box of tissues I need to deal wtih again, getting that first goddamn fucking tissue out of some Gordianesque box. Ridiculous.

So I have something in the works, but it’s taking a lot of time that I’m using for stuff I like more, so in the meantime I’m going to give you…my thoughts on Microsoft’s new fun stuff.

Microsoft announced a fancy new “Minority Report” style touch interface “Surface” computer/coffee table with the most expensive coasters ever

I started off thinking, that’s pretty cool, I could…well, I’m not really sure what I’d do with it. To be honest, I don’t spend that much time shuffling and sorting my pictures, and I’m sure the novelty would wear off soon. I don’t have fugitives to track, and I guess strategy games would be INCREDIBLY fun, but I enjoy FPS games more anyways, and I don’t see this as that much better an experience. So what would this be useful for? Interactive porn? I doubt it, there’s no depth, plus the whole interactive porn thing screams creepy like a blow-up doll actually screaming “creepy!” Do they have talking blow-up dolls yet? I should make some!
So I guess I’ll have to look into getting a bounty hunting license. And a couple of creepy little psychic kids and a glowy pool.

(and no, I would never fuckin quote Minority Report if I could quote Star Wars. Respect)

Some of you might recognize this: it’s shown to students as an example of the six basic emotions in body language.

Let’s say instead….it’s a dialogue (duh!)
1) Grrr
2) Aiyah!
1) Rawr *brandishes lethality*
2) Eep!
1) Ahahahaha LOL J/K
2) -_-”

et tu?

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.” - Hannibal Lecter

So I’ve never seen Silence of the Lambs. I try not to watch horror movies because I get engrossed in the story, but then once it ends I realize that I’m going to get stabbed in the shower and tossed in a wood chipper half-alive. However, I did manage to read it somewhere. I get a bit queasy about this quote, not so much about the cannibalism as the fact that Hannibal Lecter chose to eat the man’s liver. I’ve had pig liver once, I thought it was a tofu appetizer and unfortunately took much too enthusiastic a bite. I didn’t enjoy it at all, it was like, sandy, pasty, and had an unpleasant taste. I also have a healthy aversion to Fish Liver Oil. My culinary preferences can be simple: I appreciate a good cut of meat, I like a good rack of ribs, and I love a juicy steak. So why in the world, when confronted with a person, would you choose to eat the liver? You’d have to be crazy. (hyuk hyuk hyuk)