Archive for the 'Thoughts' Category
November 9th, 2008 by Shades
Nowhere to run …
Nowhere to hide…
In Oblivion we must dwell
You will pay for denying our destiny
No longer will we lie under your command
Betrayal became the final draw…. so prepare to face the prophecy of destruction!
Oppression, anger, sadness …
Rebellion marching on to defeat this madness
No longer will we obey the master
No World Order ruling us all.
seize the madness, burn the heathens.
regain our lives, it’s a must…
Children of the night, rebellion calls us home
——–
this isn’t a lyrical piece … I was just expressing myself over what has gone on earlier this week. <.<
August 13th, 2008 by Shades
well … this is just something I wrote out of nowhere due to boredom and current mood <.<
——————————–
A reflection in the shadows
Is it just an illusion?
For you are the one I seek
Holding you close, I can’t breathe
Dance in the rain, fly away
rotting away, leaving everything behind
Please let me be by your side…
Let’s sing and spread the love to the ends of time
show me the meaning of living in this world
Be there always …. within me
Tonight, I wonder if I could be gentle …
pulling you closer like threads on a web
Is love like this wrong? Does it hurt?
Becoming one with darkness
sacrifice mingling with blood
Let’s make a toast
to your dreams … to your darkness …
Until your tears dry up
… goodbye
January 31st, 2008 by Shades
currently playing –
Artist :: Megadeth
Album :: Cryptic Writings (1997)
Song :: A Secret Place
Well, just when I thought it was all over … it’s come back to haunt me once more. Memories of what happened back in November began to resurface once again and has reached the point to where my emotions have become crippled. Why ….. tell me why do all these things always have to happen to me!? What the fuck am I being done to in order to deserve this ….
I never did anything to you so just get the hell out of my head and leave me alone, damn it! …
To battle my mind is a must, I know … but just how am I going to do that? I just hope I don’t hurt myself in the process….
December 13th, 2007 by Shades
fnow playing :: Buck Tick - Kyokutou I Love You (2002) - 06 - Long Distance Call
I just want to wrap my arms all around you .. but you feel so far away. Wishing we could be together, but the thought of us breaking up would kill me in an instant.
Living in a world surrounded by depression and agony, I thought I had nothing left … until the day I met you, apparently. From that day on, everything surrounding me revolved into the most precious things I can ever hold .. my friendship with someone like you.
Igniting the fuel within my heart, I was able to see everyone smile and finally understand my reason for living.
Knowing this, I’m not alone anymore
This long distance call I hear
it sooths me when I listen to you speak
keeping me alive until my day of passing …
I love you, there’s nothing more to say
———-
just something random that was running through my head while drowning in depression again tonight … *sigh* I hate when things come back to haunt me.
December 1st, 2007 by Shades
np :: Buck Tick - Six/Nine (1995) - 04 - KODOU
well, nothing to report other than being alive … I guess. I just don’t feel the same after what went on last night, although it wasn’t anything bad.
Thankfully nothing went on between us to to the point in making it the final time we’d be together. And I am sure that I might have mentioned this in my previous entry … but now that I have him in my life as one of my only friends, I’m as happy as can be.
What really sucks is that I basically gave my life saying what I did last night, leaving me with a very slim chance at thinking of what was going to go on from there …
Am I forcing myself to become a different person than I was many years ago? Maybe. Only time will tell when it is indeed time.
[a note about the song :: Even if you aren't a fan of Buck Tick, I highly advise you give the song a listen for the emotion that revolves within]
November 30th, 2007 by Shades
np :: Buck Tick - Tenshi no Revolver (2007) - 06 - CREAM SODA
Kuruisou da … Kuruisou da …
Well … tonight was cool yet awkward. Today I’ve been wanting to take my friend out to dinner with me so that we could also hang out and such. As he came to my place, we played a bit of Melty Blood: Act Cadenza on my comp before heading out to dinner. Needless to say, I got whooped like 80% of the time, hehe …. but it was very fun nonetheless. As we got to where we were going to have dinner, we both just start talking about things even I can’t seem to remember at this point. After having a very delicious dinner, though, I pull out a note of what I wanted to say to him, and pretended to read it .. until he almost took it from me, did I toss it to him for him to read.
So he does read it, and before he says anything, I told him to stay quiet about it, because I was sure on what he was going to say about it. So then I thank him for being a really cool friend, and that I really do appreciate all the times we hang out and stuff. After we’re finished paying and everything (we tipped the guy with the remaining change from our bill; which I felt was needed considering how awesome he is), we head on over to my truck to talk a bit more of what went on between the other Trevor I’m sure you all knew about, and myself.
At that point I was about to go crazy, as I did not know how to say what I wanted to say … and almost started crying just talking about it with him … But you know, this guy is extremely awesome, because he’s so understanding and it makes me very happy just being around him now. Letting out all my problems from the last few months in front of him made me feel so much better, and I am really glad for that.
November 24th, 2007 by Shades
np :: Buck Tick - Kyokutou I Love You (2002) - 07 - Kyokutou Yori Ai wo Komete (From the Far East with Love)
All these days have gone by and I still don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I especially don’t know why I’ve also entered into a nonstop Buck-Tick listening frenzy …
So I guess I shall also say that I’ll be an uncle for the 4th time ….. yippidy-fucking- yay… *finds object to stab self with* I don’t want anymore kids running around the house, dang it! D:
Also, today wasn’t really too bad considering “Black Friday” … just the usual annoyance of shoppers in general. D:
November 20th, 2007 by Shades
np :: Buck Tick - Six/Nine (1995) - 04 - Kodou (Heartbeat)
Whee, time for yet another update. Tuesday night here in sunny (yeah, right <.<) so.cal … not doing much other than playing Super Mario Galaxy, which is REALLY fun, and I’m really looking forward to the weekend as I will be in Las Vegas this coming Saturday and Sunday. Also, I’ll be entering my last quarter in school before I get my Associates Degree in Drafting which is really awesome.
My B-day/LAN party is next month, which is something I can’t wait for, especially since I’ll be sure to invite some of my newest friends to attend. ^^;
For a while now, I’d had this strange feeling running through me ever since a certain incident happened several weeks ago.. but it has recently made its way back ever since I started hanging out with one of my newest friends that i’ve known for a couple of months now. What does it mean …. no one knows … but I hope I find the answer to it soon.
November 8th, 2007 by Shades
np :: Buck Tick - Mona Lisa OVERDRIVE (2003) - 03 - Zangai
————————————
Well now, the unthinkable has happened, apparently o___o
First off, I am alone once more. Things happened so suddenly and were way beyond my grasp. I guess he and his parents had to move back up to Nor.cal to take care of something, I guess … and it left me in ruins (hence the song and blog title). All I can remember is going home and crying myself to sleep at 2:30 in the morning the other night when I heard the news earlier that night. But you know what? Shit happens for a reason I guess. And even though I’m still trying to get over the fact that he’s gone …. I’m still moving on, for I’m not the young shadow I once was.
Although ….. all of a sudden I feel so weird again. My guy might be gone (though not permanently, I hope) .. but I have someone who’s been a friend for the past month or so. And oddly enough, he has the same name, shares (most) of the same traits .. and other stuff >.>
Now … BEFORE anyone starts making any assumptions, I don’t plan on getting as close to him as I did with my guy, even though we’re like close friends now. He’s a cool guy though. 
Ruins, Ruins Ruins …. oh, how fun it is to be in them all the time >.>
August 26th, 2006 by Shades
Yes, I know that it has probably been a while since I last blogged (and I still need to finish my last entry) .. but I should go out in saying that the Shadow that everyone got to know within these last four years (and counting) .. to say goodbye to it and hello to a new shadow. Now, throughout these past 4 years of being a member of X111.com (among other forums) I have learned a lot in life like being acceptable to others in times of need, or maybe it’s the friendliness that I possess now. whatever is the case. it’s really awesome to see many open-minded people out in the lands of the net who are willing to help with problems we can’t deal with on our own.
As I look back to when I first started coming to the net and more particularly x111.com, I was a young shadow roaming about with no sense of direction and often got so lost to the point of breaking down. As years go by I began to see more people and join communities out there which appeal (some still do). So then I start making friends with some of these people, and that is where x111.com comes in. Now, I did join a then-living community by the name of LunarEB. but it recently went away somewhere to the point of no existence. going back to X111, I have found the best of friends I can always talk to about things. and I have met some AWESOME people there, and I’m really glad to still be here since appearing in 2002.
Fast forwarding to the present, August of 2006 .. A LOT has happened. I am now 20 years old (21 in Dec.), I’m a student at a technical school, and I am a lot more open than I was when I first appeared here 4 years back. I now visit a lot of communities online, making my friend count a lot higher than I expected. Enter AR, my music life, 1st nephew is born (now at 6 months), and many other things I cannot seem to mention at this point in time. But thanks to the many things I have discussed with everyone, be it private or open chat, I have better control on how I should handle myself and many things out there.
people I would love to thank (yes, I’m cheesy)
everyone at X-camp for understanding my feelings towards certain things and always helping when possible.
Ryuji - meeting you at AX was awesome; I’ll never forget that weekend.
Saga No Baka - for being a really awesome friend and understanding how I feel about people at times.
PReaCHeR - upstanding me in every way possible.
Ikawa - much like my friend PReaCHeR, this guy understands everything about me and has helped me tremendously in my times of need. For all that he has done and discussed with me, I truly love him for it.
LegendKiller - a friend of mine I got to know recently. I, too, have shared thoughts with him and such. he’s a good listener and helps out whenever he can.
Zoltrioundz - you know your reasons ..
and to everyone I forgot to mention, I apologize … but I wouldn’t want to make the list REALLY big.
——
And as a little note for all …. thanks for everything. I really do enjoy being with you all.
The newborn shadow within will soon replace the child that once roamed about. let’s just hope I survive the transition…