Beyond the Gates

currently playing –
Artist :: Megadeth
Album :: Cryptic Writings (1997)
Song :: A Secret Place

Well, just when I thought it was all over … it’s come back to haunt me once more. Memories of what happened back in November began to resurface once again and has reached the point to where my emotions have become crippled. Why ….. tell me why do all these things always have to happen to me!? What the fuck am I being done to in order to deserve this ….

I never did anything to you so just get the hell out of my head and leave me alone, damn it! …
To battle my mind is a must, I know … but just how am I going to do that? I just hope I don’t hurt myself in the process….

well, I think this is my first blog of 2008 D: so here goes nothin’ …

I haven’t been up to much other than saving up to go to Conventions *eyes Phix* as well as being busy with work and school. Although, the last convention I went to, AnimeLA 4, was filled with awesomeness.

Things to look forward to this year ::
1. The launch of my 2-year-delayed project D:
2. Gigantour 2008
3. Going to lots of Conventions
4. Owning everyone on Super Smash Bros.  Brawl next month upon its release
……and many more things in which I am too lazy to list right now.

Off to play more of Guilty Gear: Accent Core for the Wii

Lat0rz! >:3!

—————————-

now playing ::
Artist: Megadeth
Album: Hidden Treasures EP
Song: Diadems

*plays Final Fantasy Fanfare* ……

woot at finally being 22 years old as of 12-23-07 :3

*throws confetti about and runs away into the shadows*

fnow playing :: Buck Tick – Kyokutou I Love You (2002) – 06 – Long Distance Call

I just want to wrap my arms all around you .. but you feel so far away. Wishing we could be together, but the thought of us breaking up would kill me in an instant.

Living in a world surrounded by depression and agony, I thought I had nothing left … until the day I met you, apparently. From that day on, everything surrounding me revolved into the most precious things I can ever hold .. my friendship with someone like you.

Igniting the fuel within my heart, I was able to see everyone smile and finally understand my reason for living.

Knowing this, I’m not alone anymore

This long distance call I hear
it sooths me when I listen to you speak
keeping me alive until my day of passing …

I love you, there’s nothing more to say

———-

just something random that was running through my head while drowning in depression again tonight … *sigh* I hate when things come back to haunt me.

np :: Buck Tick – Six/Nine (1995) – 04 – KODOU

well, nothing to report other than being alive … I guess. I just don’t feel the same after what went on last night, although it wasn’t anything bad.

Thankfully nothing went on between us to to the point in making it the final time we’d be together. And I am sure that I might have mentioned this in my previous entry … but now that I have him in my life as one of my only friends, I’m as happy as can be.

What really sucks is that I basically gave my life saying what I did last night, leaving me with a very slim chance at thinking of what was going to go on from there …

Am I forcing myself to become a different person than I was many years ago? Maybe. Only time will tell when it is indeed time.

[a note about the song :: Even if you aren't a fan of Buck Tick, I highly advise you give the song a listen for the emotion that revolves within]

np :: Buck Tick – Tenshi no Revolver (2007) – 06 – CREAM SODA

Kuruisou da … Kuruisou da …

Well … tonight was cool yet awkward. Today I’ve been wanting to take my friend out to dinner with me so that we could also hang out and such. As he came to my place, we played a bit of Melty Blood: Act Cadenza on my comp before heading out to dinner. Needless to say, I got whooped like 80% of the time, hehe …. but it was very fun nonetheless. As we got to where we were going to have dinner, we both just start talking about things even I can’t seem to remember at this point. After having a very delicious dinner, though, I pull out a note of what I wanted to say to him, and pretended to read it .. until he almost took it from me, did I toss it to him for him to read.

So he does read it, and before he says anything, I told him to stay quiet about it, because I was sure on what he was going to say about it. So then I thank him for being a really cool friend, and that I really do appreciate all the times we hang out and stuff. After we’re finished paying and everything (we tipped the guy with the remaining change from our bill; which I felt was needed considering how awesome he is), we head on over to my truck to talk a bit more of what went on between the other Trevor I’m sure you all knew about, and myself.

At that point I was about to go crazy, as I did not know how to say what I wanted to say … and almost started crying just talking about it with him … But you know, this guy is extremely awesome, because he’s so understanding and it makes me very happy just being around him now. Letting out all my problems from the last few months in front of him made me feel so much better, and I am really glad for that.

should we really care?
the end is finally here … god have mercy!

np :: Megadeth - Countdown to Extinction (1992) – 12 – Ashes In Your Mouth

Well, nice change of music, eh? Anyway, today hasn’t been so bad. I FINALLY had some time to clean my room and such, so I decided to do so so I can be proud of myself and reward myself with some …. PIZZA!! :3

I’m here at home, unfortunately, though …. since I wasn’t able to go to Las Vegas this weekend like I had hoped to. Dad started not feeling too well, so we all decided to not go until sometime next year (yay!)

Now I’m just waiting for a friend to get off work and to call me and go get something to eat … ’cause I’m starved! ^__^x

*disappears into the night like always*

np :: Buck Tick – Kyokutou I Love You (2002) – 07 – Kyokutou Yori Ai wo Komete (From the Far East with Love)

All these days have gone by and I still don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I especially don’t know why I’ve also entered into a nonstop Buck-Tick listening frenzy …

So I guess I shall also say that I’ll be an uncle for the 4th time ….. yippidy-fucking- yay… *finds object to stab self with* I don’t want anymore kids running around the house, dang it! D:

Also, today wasn’t really too bad considering “Black Friday” … just the usual annoyance of shoppers in general. D:

np :: Buck Tick – Six/Nine (1995) – 12 – KICK (The Man Who Kicks The Ground)

Well, I hope everyone had a very good Thanksgiving because I sure did!

but just the week’s been crappy …. I don’t know why… -___-  Ah well, time to go drums to s’more Buck Tick *disappears*

np :: Buck Tick – Six/Nine (1995) – 04 – Kodou (Heartbeat)

Whee, time for yet another update. Tuesday night here in sunny (yeah, right <.<) so.cal … not doing much other than playing Super Mario Galaxy, which is REALLY fun, and I’m really looking forward to the weekend as I will be in Las Vegas this coming Saturday and Sunday. Also, I’ll be entering my last quarter in school before I get my Associates Degree in Drafting which is really awesome.

My B-day/LAN party is next month, which is something I can’t wait for, especially since I’ll be sure to invite some of my newest friends to attend. ^^;

For a while now, I’d had this strange feeling running through me ever since a certain incident happened several weeks ago.. but it has recently made its way back ever since I started hanging out with one of my newest friends that i’ve known for a couple of months now. What does it mean …. no one knows … but I hope I find the answer to it soon.