So now I have a connection at home again. A DSL line that I really can’t be picky about. After all it gets the job done. So far I have a few sought after OST’s and albums. My writing drive is rebooting … slowly. And I think maybe it’s time to try to do AMV’s again. You guys remember my first attempts. You know that horribly timed one that I made with Windows Movie Maker. I remember I used Gundam SEED and ‘The Kids Aren’t Alright’ by The Offspring.

Well, there were four of five after that one. And I don’t have anything to show for them or any of my other works. A few mindless purges deleted all my work. No, I deleted them in a few fits of destructiveness. Something that I regret now but then don’t we all? So I think it’s time for a revival of sorts. But then I always say that don’t I?

So, here goes, X111.com bloggers will be my impartial guinea pigs for a new AMV Project. This project is to use the anime Mai-HiME featuring the entire album ‘The Open Door’ by Evanescence. Each song will or rather the charecters and themes have already been selected. The listings of theme to charecter will not be revealed so don’t ask. The project with use all thirteen songs from the album and could use footage from all twenty-six episodes of Mai-HiME.

Why Evanescence you ask? When there are so many better choices? I agree with you to some extent but I sat down with a source and discussed the project and decided that I would use an album instead of jumping between other artists and albums just for the challenge of using set material to my creative ability.

Why Mai-HiME? Because, it’s one of the better series to have come out in recent years. Anybody who has seen the series would know the turns it starts to take towards the end. Even though it may seem silly in the beginning, it’s an excellent canvas for me.

So that’s it, people say I need to post more. What better then a project to ask about and subsquently pester about?

Just dropping a line to say that I’m still here and I didn’t p00f again. More to come later. Maybe.

Bleh, so where was I? I don’t really remember. Anyway, just sort of ambilivant to the goings on lately. Wish I was more receptive but summer just seems to bring extreme boredom. Things move slowly and the drive to create is low. Ah well, I should be thankful.

Well at long last Ultima returns. From the depths of real shit back to the net. This cycle has come full circle and I return from the promised land. *drops boulder on self* Strangely enough, I have not forgotten this place like so many other things. I guess everything comes back to it’s birthplace, dies and revives. The mighty circle of life at it’s finest! Life is shit, life is shit, life is shit, life is shit and then you … LIVE!!! Big time suprise there. Writing again which I suppose I should cheer about. Think I might get a page maybe three before my mind says “Fuck you! I’m not telling your fingers what to do!” Anyway, tis good to be back. If even for a fleeting moment.

Summer is over and the cold weather returns. So does my inner coldness. I know I’m much to young to be going ZOMG! I have no girlfriend or job! I haven’t finished my degree! And other such rambleings.

Part of having such things is going out to actully gain them. But I find it difficult to do anything social. I have never been a very social person so this is all very troubleing for me. Even if I did find someone I liked. I would have real trouble trying to express myself without looking like a freak or a fool. But sometimes, people just fall into your lap when your not even looking. I just hope I don’t screw it up.

I think that I will go back to get my degree, if anything, to get my skills back up to par. There’s just something about lurking on a network that calms me and makes me feel at peace. How I ever got away from that I will never know entirely. Plus I look forward to retaking a lot of my corses.

So maybe everything will turn out after all.

Life’s funny and downright frustrating like that.

Who would have ever thought that so much inconvinice, pain, anger, sadness and fear could be all a smokescreen to such a small but potient truth?

Granted many truths and acceptances must be realized and contimplated to come to the point. Many of them harsh, cold, scary and painful truths. Some may break one’s perception of the world and the self and the ‘me’ of one’s self.

The self and ‘me’ being two seprate entites. The ‘me’ being the collections of emotions and memories associated with the emotions. And the self being the container for those memories and emotions. There can and are many contianers within the self. Memories and emotions grouped together both consious and sub-consiously by links of emotion.

The ‘me’ is a fragile entity and can break very easily for any number of reasons, based on the person’s experiences and rendering of those expirences. To keep this from happening, the ‘me’ seperates the overwhelming emotions and memories into the containers of self. Over time, the ‘me’ continously dumps the memories and emotions into the container of self. The containers become each their own ‘me’ and fight for control of the mind.

When this happens, people begin to block things out and hold onto false hopes and reasonings. The ‘me’s ultimately become distant, each becomeing very intense and volitile. When this happens, people make errors and hurt others in different ways. But most of all they make the chasum as it were even larger.

The cure? Realizeing that thease are all part of the self and not different ‘me’s. Also realizeing that errors were made and learning to live with said errors is to accept that they were committed in the first place

This is only a cure if the person allows themselves to be human. To know that they will make mistakes. But, not to let the mistakes take over them by not dealing with them.

All that haystack for one little needle? Yes, it’s called being Human.

Well I figured it was time to update so …

- I’m going through a horrendous writer’s block. I have ideas and stories but my head doesn’t want to connect to my fingers, go figure.

- Everything is just bleh right now. Not good, not bad, just bleh. Moving uber slow and just, ick.

- I’ve played through Star Wars BattleFront II under glactic conquest three times now. The only one thats left to do is the Republic. Allready played through as the Empire, Allience and Seperatists.

- Just got this blank, numb feeling right now and it doesn’t seem to want to lift. Just bored and depressed and not wanting to do anything.

- I miss talking to the goddess, I missed her again today, fuck all.

- I haven’t been on IM’s much recently. I was on last night for a while and got to talk to Grace a little. Mainly just lurking around X’s and AO.

- My grandmother’s cat hates me. The big fat fuzzball allways growls at me. So what if I make her move?

- I hate not having cable, I hate not being able to talk to friends who whole themselfs up in MMORPGS. I hate that said ‘friends’ don’t have the balls to answer.

Whine,whine. Bitch, bitch. Moan, moan.

Getting my hands on Xenosaga Ep. III OST today. Horay!

Why is it that people must hold grudges usually over trivial things? I mean if you kill someones brother/sister, mother/father etc. Then, yeah, hold a grudge. Not because they ran something in a way you didn’t like. *grumbles*

Well, I went to a friend’s house today after being tired of dialup and hit AMV site and got some new material to look at. All hail the mighty cable connection!

That is all.