Shin

Mind.in.a.box – Lost Alone

Lost alone

01. Light & Dark
02. Change
03. Falling
04. You Will See
05. Questions
06. Waiting
07. Lost Alone
08. Walking
09. Take My Soul
10. Forever Gone
11. Lost Alone 2
12. Leave

Light & Dark

I feel sad, so left alone.
words are not enough,
for me to live on.

^back to top

Change

and I will never see the truth,
this is not a matter of my youth.
I do not need anybody else,
bonds would put my mind into cells.

and I will never know I was wrong,

never listen to those truly strong.
I do not fear anything that’s not me,
ignorance is the ultimate key.

but I wouldn’t want to live like this forever.
but change myself? never, never!
the very thought sends shivers down my spine.
I’m sure everything, everything will be fine.

I am the one who cries out at night,

for somebody to change my very core.
not sure why I live in endless fright,
doomed to love only myself for evermore.

I am the one who has no real friends,
shallow people flocking to my banner.
always trying to make easy amends,
cherishing my own overbearing manner.

life – always fragile.

I will never change.
love – always fleeting.
I will never change.

life – always fragile.
I will never change.
love – always fleeting.
I will never change.

but I wouldn’t want to live like this forever.

maybe I really was too clever.
but I wouldn’t want to end like that.
I would die lonely and incredibly sad.

I will never drag myself out of this,
the shadows of my past bogging me down.
feeling lost in turmoil and crisis,
my face forever set in an endless frown.

I have been hurt beyond mental repair,

thence destined to suffer eternal damnation.
no one can be there for me to care,
but without I will never find salvation.

lust – always empty.
but I will never change.
death – always tempting.
but I will never change.

lust – always empty.

but I will never change.
death – always tempting.
but I will never change.

everything is about control.
I must never slip, nor ever fall.
anything is possible for me.
I must never doubt, and finally be free.

and finally be free.

^back to top

Falling

falling, breathing in.
the cold.

I don’t know where I am.
I don’t know where I came from.

falling, breathing out.
the cold.

what am I doing here?

I’m falling,
breathing in.

cold air rushes through me.
cold air pierces my lungs.

am I breathing?
am I dreaming?

where am I?

there were no burdens.
there were no restraints.

why am I here?
why am I here?

there was no liability.
there was no responsibility.

where am I?
where am I?

there is no warmth.
there is only myself.

why am I here?

why am I here?

I can see myself falling,
I open my eyes,
there is no light.
but there is no light.

I can see myself falling,
I close my eyes,
I can’t remember.

but I can’t remember.

did I know bliss?
did I know happiness?

remember, remember,
the cold.

I’ve been here before,
falling, falling.

^back to top

You Will See

when I first met you, I ruled the world.
what you saw, met with your desire.
when I first saw you, I ruled the sky.
what you felt, set your heart on fire.

when I first held you, I thought I’d pass.

what you said, seemed to be the truth.
when I first felt you, I thought I’d melt.
what you were, was the essence of youth.

I felt the warmth,
filtering through your skin.

I had all that I could ask for,
and I thought it to last.
I was so sure of your affection,

and I loved the spell you cast.

I was scaling incredible heights,
propelled by your radiant muse.
I sustained this for a long time,
but I was destined to lose.

I had all that I could ask for,
and I thought it to last.
I was so sure of your affection,

and I loved the spell you cast.

I was basking in all that glory,
thought the end cannot be nigh.
I made plans for our future,
humbled only by the sky.

you will see, I can get back there.
when all was doubt, you laughed at me.
ripped me apart,

there’s no future for you and me.

you will see, I can climb up there.
when you lost faith, you turned your back.
destroyed my trust,
there’s no future for you and me.

you will see, I won’t forgive this.
when you rethink, you won’t be heard.
words don’t heal,

there’s no future for you and me.

you will see, I will survive this.
when I had need, you were not there.
it’s too late,
there’s no future for you and me.

^back to top

Questions

when I feel water soaking me through,
I cannot drown them.
when I feel fire burning me up,
I cannot scorch them.
when I feel the blade digging in,
I cannot cut them.
when I feel the rope tightening,
I cannot choke them.

it’s the questions that haunt me.
it’s the questions that drive me.
it’s the questions that mar my sleep.
it’s the questions that pain me.
it’s the questions that guide me.
it’s the questions that cut so deep.

it’s the questions that burn me.
it’s the questions that need me.

it’s the questions that mark my core.
it’s the questions that soil me.
it’s the questions that feed me.
it’s the questions that yearn for more.

I’m watching the rain,
my mind wants to roam.
I’m driving along,
my mind needs to soar.

I’m falling asleep,
my mind finds no rest.
I’m drifting away,
my mind longs for more.

I’m feeling disdain,
my mind wants to moan.
I’m crying alone,
my mind needs to roar.

I’m falling apart,
my mind finds no nest.
I’m screaming aloud,
my mind is no more.

when I feel acid in my sore eyes,
I cannot rinse them.
when I feel blisters on my torn skin,
I cannot heal them.

when I feel the chains shackling me,
I cannot shed them.
when I feel my hands strangling me,
I cannot sever them.

I’m watching the rain,
my mind wants to roam.
I’m driving along,
my mind needs to soar.

I’m falling asleep,
my mind finds no rest.
I’m drifting away,
my mind longs for more.

I’m humming a tune,
my heart almost reeling.
I’m strolling a path,
my heart is so still.

I’m forgetting myself,
my heart is not beating.
I’m feeling nothing,
my heart is dead still.

my heart is dead still.

^back to top

Waiting

dialing
it’s me.
everything went fine.
we attached the trace and he doesn’t suspect a thing.
he’s so blind, he will never know.

not yet. but we will know very soon now.

alright. I’ll let you know.

dialing
he is looking for her.
we thought he doesn’t know, but now he seems
really desperate to find her.

no! I think we should take him out now!

alright. I’ll get back to the trace.

dialing
it’s me.
everything is fine.
he’s still looking, but he seems to know less than we thought.

yes, that’s the problem.
but I don’t think he’ll be able to do that.


fine. later.

dialing
he has found her! he’s not yet there but he will be very soon.
we have to get everything ready.

yes.
she is unable to recognize him, but that won’t make a difference for long.

but it won’t matter anyway if everything goes as planned.

alright, I’ll do that. he won’t be able to escape,
and we still have the trace in place.

yes. I’m sure.
later.

^back to top

Lost Alone

you’re walking my streets,
I don’t know who you are.
you don’t care for my trees,
I only see you from afar.

you can’t see where you go,
I can’t find you the way.

you seem you do not know,
I won’t tell you to stay.

you’re losing your mind,
I don’t feel you’re alive.
you don’t know what to find,
I can’t help you contrive.

you’re closing your eyes,
I can’t bring you to see.

you forget your soul dies,
I fear you won’t be free.

you are not the only one,
lost alone in this world.
lost alone in this world.
there are others beside you,
feeling empty and hurt.
feeling empty and hurt.

you are not the only one,
lost alone in dark dreams.
lost alone in dark dreams.
one of them will find you,
knowing what it means,
to be lost alone.
to be lost alone.

I’m lost in the cold,

there is nobody else.
I didn’t know I had sold,
my life reduced to shells.

I was left in the dark,
all to remember is gone.
I’m feeling the mark,
still I have to drag on.

I’ve built my own cave,

there’s just no way out.
I thought I would feel safe,
but now I want to shout.

I feed on my sorry state,
but this sure won’t last.
I fear it is too late,
to break free from my past.

you are not the only one,

lost alone in this world.
lost alone in this world.
there are others beside you,
feeling empty and hurt.
feeling empty and hurt.

you are not the only one,
lost alone in dark dreams.
lost alone in dark dreams.

one of them will find you,
knowing what it means,
to be lost alone.
to be lost alone.

^back to top

Walking

I’m walking.

I’m walking.

I don’t know for how long,
maybe I was really wrong.

I’m walking.

I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I’m grieving about the things I had.
I’m sad, so terribly sad.

I simply can’t see the road ahead.

I’m walking.

don’t care where it will end,
my pain a powerful torrent.

I’m walking.

my feet carry me,
but still I’m anything but free.

I’m walking.
I’m walking.
I’m walking.

I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I’m grieving about the things I had.
I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I simply can’t see the road ahead.
I’m sad, so terribly sad.

but I can’t say that I’m still afraid.

I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I’m grieving about the things I had.
I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I simply can’t see the road ahead.

I’m sad, so terribly sad.
I’m grieving about the things I had.
I’m sad, so terribly sad.

but I can’t say that I’m still afraid.

^back to top

Take My Soul

now you’re sitting in your room, staring into space.
your hair is long and shaggy, your clothes torn to shreds.
the TV an endless stream of commercials,

chat logs filling up the screen beside.

you remember the day on a meadow.

you can see the details, every little thing.
but you can’t remember what it felt like,
you’re not feeling anything.

it’s a movie without sound.
your haggard face flashes up with lightning,

creepy shadows reflect your soul.

take my soul, consume me whole.
I’m no part of this world.
take my love, and hold it close.
I can’t be without you anymore.

you are sitting in the scenery of your dream.
your clothes are neat and clean,
your hair cut, your chin smooth.

the scene is as beautiful as a painting,
but there are no people or living things.
it’s as meaningless and empty as your gaze.

you lose yourself in this dead world.
you think you’re living in your dream,
but there’s nothing in it.
you’re feeling nothing. nothing.
you seem complacent but there is nothing there.

^back to top

Forever Gone

dialing
it’s me.
listen, something is wrong.
the trace. it went dead. two hours ago.

I don’t know,
everything was in place until then.
one second it was there,
and then he just disappeared.

don’t blame me.
I told them not to use the cheap stuff!

no, we have no idea.

we’ve lost him completely.
later.

dialing
listen.
we found the hotel he was staying in.
somebody must have tipped him off.
he was already gone.

listen! we tore down the whole place.
there was an address on a slip of paper.
it was the address of a bar.
hello? you still there? h e l l o?

in this place you cannot reach me.
to save my mind, my flesh forever gone.
I feel the way so deep inside me.
so much to pay, but now I’m gone.

dialing
good.
so we went to this bar. he was in the back.

not really.
his body. it was sprawled on the floor.

I’m not sure.

his gear was still there, but he erased his data.
he must have used it only a minute before.

we’re still working on it.
I think he found a way
to escape to the other side.

yes, impossible. but I think he did it.

we can’t! not now!

alright… we’ll tune in.

in this place you cannot reach me.
to save my mind, my flesh forever gone.
I feel the way so deep inside me.
so much to pay, but now I’m gone.

in this place you cannot reach me.

to save my mind, my flesh forever gone.
I feel the way so deep inside me.
so much to pay, but now I’m gone.

dialing
it’s me.
we’ve failed. he has vanished.
either he is dead, or he has switched over.

alright. we’ll abort immediately.

^back to top

Lost Alone 2

I can feel your presence,
in the middle of the night.
I share the sadness,
when you are feeling contrite.

I can see your face,
drowning in the din of the crowd.
I absorb the sound,
when you are crying out loud.

I don’t know who you are.
I don’t know who you are.
I don’t know who you are.
I don’t know who you are.

when there are no reasons,
I will not approve,
dare think me aloof,
but know, I’m not alone.

where there is no truth,
I can never believe,
dare make me grieve,
but know, I will not moan.

your mind the beacon that guides me,
when I’m lost I know I will find you.
through the fire that consumes me,
you will know that I’m lost alone too.

I’m lost alone too.

^back to top

Leave

a flash on the nightsky,
against ceaseless rainfall.
a flicker on the wall,
amidst dancing shadows.

spinning round in circles,
yet rooted on the spot.
lying still on the floor,
whirling about inside.

this is not what I had wanted,
I have to leave this place.
this is not what I had dreamed of,
I need to gain more space.

this is not what I intended,
I have to leave these shores.
this is not what I had hoped for,
I need to close these doors.

I should get on an airplane.
I should leave this state of mind.
I should use the passing lane.
I should leave this life behind.

I will catch the morning breeze.
I will jump into the sea.
I will follow my caprice.
I will finally be me.

this is not what I had wanted,
I have to leave this place.
this is not what I had dreamed of,
I need to gain more space.

this is not what I had wanted,
I have to leave this place.
this is not what I had dreamed of,
I need to gain more space.

this is not what I intended,
I have to leave these shores.
this is not what I had hoped for,
I need to close these doors.

so many directions,
I feel so pulled apart.
so many distractions,
I feel them split my heart.

so many directions,
I feel so pulled apart.
so many distractions,
I feel them split my heart.

so many directions,
I feel so pulled apart.
so many distractions,
I feel them split my heart.

^back to top

Work in progress... not home!
Trying to get all/most of the new code working before I start on the eyecandy.